My Real Country
By: CS Fox
If you ever want to choke on reality… try being the teen in-between your parents divorce; the messier the better. I don’t think there is anything quite as painful as getting sold out by people you love.
“Oh right! And it has nothing to do with your drinking? You could drink irish dock workers under the table!”
“What about the money? We’re destitute, I don’t even know how I’ll afford groceries next week.”
“You could try opening your legs? You certainly don’t for me.”
“How about you get a job dead beat. Do you think
I’ve always said a little prayer every night that I wouldn’t be woken by the sound of their fighting… or at the very least that they wouldn’t use my name when they did. I don’t think god listens to me any more since I stopped going to church.
The divorce took about a year, with the fighting intensifying in the last month. The final kicker was that both of them decided they wanted to start anew, without a significant other… or child. They used my name in vain for plenty of violent arguments, but when the dust settled… it turned out I was an inconvenience.
The judge awarded the house to mom, and in just about every circumstance, custody of the child goes to mom too, but what happens when mom and dad just aren’t interested in anything but themselves? … the answer is that you find out just how selfish people can be.
It was two days after the final divorce proceedings that my mom told me I was going to be living with my older cousin. Mom wanted her own life, and my cousin had offered on my behalf to let me live with her. I had nothing going, and no reason to stay with my mom any more, so I agreed, not understanding just what I was getting into.
My cousin Sherry was sort of the black sheep of the family, well, next to me, my mom and dad of course. She was artsy, whimsical, and sin of sins; unmarried at 26. My poor family has the long distinguished past of early pregnancies and marriage soon after. If a girl wasn’t pregnant at 19 by the latest, and unhappily married by 20, something was wrong. So the rest of the family just referred to her as a spinster. I’m 16, and I already hear plenty about the virtues of finding a virile man.
After things were decided between my cousin and my mom, I dropped off at a bus station with a vague description of how I’d be reaching my cousin. Sherry lived ten hours away… wayyyy out in the country. I had some clothes stuffed into a bag and a little money, but not much else. There were some tearful good byes to my friends, but to be honest, I didn’t really have many. Having a broken family tends to cause you to alienate yourself in the hopes you don’t ruin anyone else’s life with your own. I guess like mom and dad, I’d get to start anew… out in the country. Sherry and I naturally gravitated toward each other in family functions and I always liked hearing her crazy stories about the shenanigans she got into with boys.
As I got on the bus, I was actually looking forward to living with someone who at least had a passing interest in my life. When I arrived, I took my bag and got out into the night. It was summer, school had been out a few weeks, but it was still a little chilly. I probably looked out of place as I got off the bus wearing jeans and a dark blue hoodie in the middle of nowhere.
I looked around to see my cousin waving from a pick-up. I shouldered my bag and waved back.
“It’s good to see you,” Sherry said as she stepped out of her truck and walked toward me. We looked completely different, me in my urban wear, her in tight jeans, a shirt showing off her midriff, and a cowboy hat. “Long trip out here huh?”
I shrugged. “It wasn’t too bad.”
“Do you have all your bags?”
I had just one bag, a nike sports bag with whatever clothes I cared the most about packed inside like dirty laundry.
“Just the one,” I said.
Shelly looked at me curiously for a moment but then smiled and slapped the bed of her truck. “Toss it in, let’s head home.”
I threw my bag in the back and got up in the cab with
Shelly. “It’ll only be about an hour before we reach the farm,” she said moving
a clunky shift into gear. “
“Thanks for letting me come to live with you.”
Sherry laughed. “Don’t worry about it, you’ll actually be doing me a favor.”
I looked at her a little confused. “What do you mean?”
“Well….. I sort of have this boyfriend.”
“Yah well, it’s kind of weird, I haven’t actually met him in person yet, and he’ll be coming by to visit soon.”
Now I was a little more confused. “Umm… will I be intruding?”
“No no, its not that, I’m just going to need your help is all.”
“What kind of help?” I raised a suspicious eyebrow. Sherry had a reputation. I’d never really had a boyfriend. I couldn’t see any way that I’d be helpful.
“I sort of told Will a few stories that weren’t really true… but with you, we could make them true.”
“I’m going to regret living with you aren’t I?”
“Probably… now here’s the thing. Will is super cute, owns his own business, already married but widowed a few years ago… car accident… and has a daughter.”
“Kay….” I said trying to process the rapid fire information.
“I’m a farm owner, which is true enough, and even though I don’t have any livestock, I spend most of my time looking after my special needs little sister, who coincidently has the exact same problem as his daughter.”
I slapped my forehead. “Don’t tell me.”
“I even used your name since the get go. So you’re my new sister Madison… with um.. special needs. You got in a car accident two years back and became completely incontinent. Will’s daughter was in a car wreck with his wife three years ago. His wife didn’t survive, and Will’s daughter lost her left leg and suffers incontinence from it.”
“Stop the car.”
Sherry laughed. “What? I still haven’t finished.”
“STOP THE F***ING CAR!”
Sherry looked at me shocked, but pulled over and slowed the car to a stop.
“Umm… you okay?” She asked taking her hands off the wheel.
I didn’t answer I just got out of the car, got my bag and started walking. I hadn’t seen my cousin in a year or two, but in that time I had apparently forgotten her family name was well deserved and she was a total flake.
“You’re retarded if you think I’m going to join in whatever scheme this is. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“But you always liked my stories, I thought you’d jump at the chance to be part of one.”
I stopped walking and threw my bag down. “You want me to pretend to be a cripple for a guy!”
“No… I want you to pretend to be incontinent for a father and his daughter. Incontinence isn’t crippled, but umm I think it does count as a handicap, I’m not really sure.”
“What the hell is incontinence anyway? Is that where I can’t talk and have to wave my arms to speak?”
“Noo… I think that’s mute. Incontinence means you wear diapers and pee yourself.”
I started walking again. Why did my life have to suck this much? My mom and dad didn’t want me, my cousin only wanted me so she could use me for something completely off the wall.
I clenched a fist and flung my bag at her. “Sherry. My parents just divorced and left me. I don’t know where the hell I’m going to go. I had HOPED I could come live with you and try to piece together my life again, but either you’re playing the meanest joke on me that I can think of or you’re so batshit insane that you’ve completely lost touch with reality.”
“$2000 if you do it for one week.”
“$2500,” she offered.
“I’m serious. Please?” She took off her cowboy hat and held it in both her hands. “You don’t understand. Just hear me out, you have to know this guy, read the chat logs I’ve had with him… whatever… he has a golden heart and I’ve never been this in love before. It’s only for a week.”
I felt pretty stupid standing on a country road in the middle of the night having this ridiculous conversation with my cousin. “It’s not my problem that you lied to him.”
“I’ll give you $5000 and I’ll drive you to wherever you want after the week is done.”
I clenched both my fists, swore, thought over my options, and stomped toward her. “I don’t like this, and if this turns out to be a joke, I’ll dedicate the rest of my life to destroying yours.”
I grabbed my bag, threw it in the bed of her truck and got back in the cab. Sherry put her hat back on and started driving. We both sat in silence for a while.
“Will is coming to visit with his daughter on Monday. Her name is Anna.”
I put my iPod earphones in and put my hoodie up. Sherry took the hint and kept driving. It was Saturday night, if she was to be believed, her mystery boyfriend would be here the day after tomorrow. …I wasn’t happy.
Eventually we reached Sherry’s place. She lived on a farm she had inherited from Grandma. Our family used to be big in farms a few generations ago, but somehow that’d changed. My mom wasn’t really one to sit me down and talk about our family history, so all I knew was that Sherry had a couple acres and a two story house all to herself.
She pulled the truck up and we got out. I was partially impressed because it was a very classic farm house kind of look, complete with wrap around front porch. Sherry let us in and quickly guided us up the stairs where she showed me to my room.
“I’ve already taken the liberty of setting it up just the way my ‘sister’ would have it.”
I didn’t like the way she said sister. “Do I want to know what that means?”
Sherry shrugged dumbly. “Check your closet if you’re curious. I’m heading to bed, it’s late.” And she left me standing with my bag and a curious angry look on my face. What the hell was I getting into? Did she even have $5000?
I dropped my bag and went to the closet. If anything she had my curiosity. I opened it up to find nothing but what should be in the normal closet of a guest room… oh wait… nope, we have a weird bag on the floor. It was plain white plastic, fairly large, and not too heavy as I picked it up.
There was a simple print out reading on the bottom of it. “Bambino Adult Diapers, small.”
I swore, threw the bag in the closet, slammed the door and threw myself on the bed. I don’t know why, but I cried. I cried because not only was life unfair, it had to be weird.
I slept in. I didn’t have a reason to be up early, so even after the sun glared through the window, I just rolled over and covered my head with a pillow. Sherry knocked on the door and offered breakfast but I told her to shove it. I just laid in bed and thought about the night before.
Probably around noon I finally left my room because I simply wasn’t tired any more and actually pretty hungry.
“Mornin’, sleep alright?”
I tried not to look at her. “I saw what was in the closet.”
“I want proof that $5000 is going to happen and I want a promise you’ll never speak of me or speak too me again after this week.” It was what I’d been thinking about all morning. With $5000 I could take a lease out on a cheap place somewhere for a couple of months and try working a job. F*** school, I was on my own now. No one was interested in my welfare, everyone was interested in their own.
Sherry laughed but went to her purse. “I’ve got $1000 on me now, can you take my word on the rest? I’d like to tell you the rest of the story.”
I took the wad of bills and I didn’t ask permission as I saw some cereal on top of her fridge and grabbed for it. “I’m listening,” I said as I sat down with a bowl. I shoved the money in the front pocket of my hoodie.
Sherry sat across from me. Despite her flakiness she was actually very pretty in a country way. She wasn’t a complete hick, more southern classic, what my mom liked to call “West Virginia Perfect” and she had Grandma’s strawberry blonde hair. Still, there were some rough edges too her she couldn’t really hide.
“I met Will online through a dating website. There are not really a lot of guys in this town who have any more ambition then taking over whatever family farm and making a mess of children. I’m actually the one who e-mailed him… he was being honest, and something about that attracted me to him.”
“Honest how? It’s the internet and it’s not like you were being honest.”
“The first thing in his profile was that he had a daughter and that whatever happened, she would be a big part of his life.”
Wish my parents could have said the same for me.
“I e-mailed him, and he only seemed mildly interested until I told him I had a little sister with special needs that I took care of.”
“Did it have to be incontawhatever? Couldn’t you have told him I had turrets and yelled curse words all the time? I could do that one REALLY convincingly.”
Sherry giggled and rolled her eyes. “I dunno, on a whim I told him you were in an accident while riding back from school two years ago and that it made you incontinent… I just wanted to seem like I had someone I cared about too… what’s amazing is what he wrote back.”
Sherry quickly jumped up from the table and ran over to a computer she had in the next room. I could hear her grabbing papers as I ate my cereal.
“Here, read this,” she said handing me a print out of an e-mail.
“I’m not a religious man… but… I do believe in more then just mere coincidence. I didn’t want to be open about this with someone who isn’t close to the family, and I know my daughter won’t be happy that I’m sharing this… but my Anna suffers just as your sister does. Three years ago she and her mother were on the road at night and a drunk driver hit them. My wife didn’t make it, but Anna survived with the loss of her leg and a lingering incontinence. It’s stunted her emotionally and socially. She’s 14 now, and it’s been tough for her, and the only reason I’m considering dating again is because she needs more then just me around. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, except that I never thought I’d meet someone who understood the patience we must have for someone else who needs it.”
Sherry was biting her lower lip and looking at me pleadingly. “Can’t you just… I mean, doesn’t it break your heart?”
“What breaks my heart is that you lied to this guy. He sounds genuine and you’re a big honking fake,” I put my spoon down. “Do you think reading this is going to galvanize me into helping you con this poor guy?”
“It’s just for a week. Please? I promise, one week, and we’ll be in love. You’ll get a friend in Anna too.”
“Anna is one legged and in diapers. I don’t think she’ll want to talk to me.”
“Just one week,” she said holding up a single finger. “One, and I promise five grand and I’ll never bother you again.”
I grumbled. “Fine, whatever, I’ll play along, but if he suspects something, don’t expect me to roll with the lies. That’s all you.”
Sherry nodded. “Thank you thank you thank you.”
“Whatever,” I said drinking some orange juice.
“Let’s put you in diapers right after you’re done eating so you can get used to them.”
I spit my orange juice out all over the table.
“Well little sis… you’re going to be incontinent… as in, you will have no control over your bathroom functions and need to wear diapers, just like Anna.”
Sherry just smiled. I wanted to throw the box of cereal at her head and storm out the door to whatever uncertain future lied ahead, but at the same time… I couldn’t… there was something so ridiculous about the whole thing that was strangely appealing. Maybe it was just that my life had been so shitty recently that I really had nothing to lose and nothing else to do.
I ate the rest of my meal in quiet. Sherry was smiling at me the whole time, and I tried not to make eye contact. I couldn’t help thinking though, what would Will and Anna be like? What would wearing diapers be like?
After I ate I went up to my room. Sherry followed behind me, still smiling like before. I thought briefly about slapping her.
“I’m going to shower,” I said just before I went in my room.
Sherry nodded, “End of the hall, feel free to use my shampoo.”
Oh, I planned on it. I put the money in my bag and threw off my hoodie and kicked off the jeans I’d slept in. I walked down the hall in my underwear to the bathroom and hopped in the shower. Sherry was sitting on my bed waiting when I got back.
“So how’s this going to work?” I asked, entirely skeptical.
“Just lay down on the bed, don’t worry, I was a babysitter all through high school, I know what I’m doing.”
Lay down on the bed she says… crap, she’s going to rape me. My own cousin.
I stood awkwardly at the door, wearing only a towel, feeling like I was teetering on the edge of infinity. Sherry got up off the bed, I could see she had the white package sitting behind her. I didn’t make a move toward her, but I didn’t fight either as she came up and calmly took my hand.
“I don’t like this,” I said as she led me toward the bed.
“It’s just for a week and it won’t be that bad. Plus, you won’t be the only one wearing them.”
“But it’s a lie… I won’t actually need them, and she will.” Something told me Anna would be mad if she found out I didn’t. “Isn’t there some other way?”
Sherry just smiled and opened my towel, I blushed a bit, but she at least didn’t uncover my chest. She only parted the towel to expose my lower half. I’m pretty skinny, and about average height for my age, 5’5 or so, but still, I felt very conscious of my body as it was bare before her. My chest was a small B cup and even though the towel was still in place, I couldn’t help folding my arms to cover myself. Sherry took out one of the over-sized diapers and had me lift my butt before she slid it under me. She reached over me for some white bottle and started sprinkling it on me.
I recognized the smell. “Talcum powder?”
“Baby powder,” she smiled.
“You’re really going all out,” I said in disbelief, like this wasn’t really happening to me.
Sherry nodded enthusiastically.
It was over quicker then I thought. She gave my ass a few playful pats before helping me off the bed. I took a tentative step, already not liking the bulk. I did a little bit of a squat and felt it crinkle and move with me. It was like having a crinkly pillow for underwear.
“It’s weird,” I said.
“Let’s get you dressed!”
“Nope,” I said quickly putting my hands on her back and pushing her out of the room. “Helping with incontinence does not mean helping with getting me dressed. Thankfully you didn’t make me mentally handicapped and I can take care of myself. Now OUT,” I said shutting the door.
“You know you sounded a lot like my sister just now,” Sherry said from the other side of the door. I rolled my eyes and went to my bag.
I thought to myself that it was probably ‘them’ vice ‘him’, but then again I knew who Sherry was in this for. I turned off the TV and got up to follow her to the door. My casual walk was slightly different, the bulk between my legs forced them to move in an unnatural pattern that was probably noticeable if you paid attention. Actually, the diapers themselves were undeniably noticeable; I was wearing loose fitting jeans and white plastic came out of the top, not to mention the crinkle.
Yesterday had been a trial of my resolve to pretend my cousin wasn’t crazy. Thankfully I had snuck off to the bathroom in the middle of the night for important business, but during the day she had dogged me when she saw me trying to use the bathroom. Urinating while fully dressed, in front of someone else, is just about the most embarrassing thing ever. Sherry insisted on ‘changing me’ but I don’t even want to go into that. It was going to be a long week.
Sherry opened the door. She was dressed up a bit and had a spent a good part of the morning braiding her hair.
“Hiiiii!” Sherry said as put on her best country smile. I rolled my eyes, but leaned out from behind her to take a look at our guests.
“Hi Sherry, it’s good to finally meet you.”
He looked just over six feet tall, and… good god was he handsome. Brown hair, broad shoulders, the body of Adonis, and two bright blue eyes. Sherry practically leaped out to hug him, leaving me to stand shyly at the door. I’d never met any guy who was so blatantly attractive before, and for the first time in my life, I felt extremely young and underdeveloped next to my cousin.
“I hope the drive wasn’t too long, thanks for coming to visit.”
Will smiled and hugged her, but didn’t seem as committed to the act as she was. He was simply being polite before he removed himself. “Thanks for inviting us, some time away from the city could do us some good.”
“Where’s Anna?” I said aloud as I realized Will was alone.
Will looked at me and smiled, causing me to blush furiously.
“You must be
I shyly nodded, even though I wasn’t sure just what lies Sherry had said.
“Anna’s in the car, she’s a bit shy around new people and I told her I’d meet everyone first to make sure it was okay.” He turned and waved at his car. There was a dark blue BMW parked next to Sherry’s truck and the passenger side door opened as a girl got out.
She had long brown hair, about the same color as her father and looked pretty from what I could see. She took a moment to get out of the car and then walked to meet all of us at the door. I couldn’t help but notice a visible limp as she put pressure on her left leg. I was curious if she was really in diapers, but she was wearing a long sun dress and I couldn’t tell if she was wearing what I was.
“Anna, this is Sherry and Madison,” Will said motioning to the two of us.
Anna offered a shy wave. “Hi.”
There was something about her that immediately struck me as sad. Her dress was darker, maybe a little on the goth side, but at the same time she didn’t seem terribly emo. I stepped up, not entirely sure why, and offered my hand out for her to shake.
“It’s nice to meet you Anna, I’m
Sherry beamed. Anna looked at my hand and then at me, before she gave it a gentle shake.
“It’s just about lunch and y’all must be hungry, come on in,” Sherry offered. Will and Anna came inside, taking a moment to look around. As flakey as my cousin could be, she had impeccable design sense, and the house was nicely furnished. “I’ll give you a quick tour if you’d like,” Sherry added, seeing their looks.
Sherry really was
“Soooo….” Anna said looking at me curiously. She flicked some of the plastic poking out of my pants with a finger. “You’re in diapers?”
I gulped nervously. “Yah,” I said very consciously aware of the fact I was wearing them… and hadn’t taken a leak in a few hours.
She regarded me for a few seconds before going to catch up with Sherry and Will. Sherry was showing him something on the back side of the porch. Grandpa had made a wooden wind chime a long time ago and carved the branching family names in each of the pipes.
“How about that lunch?” Sherry asked Will. “I started a casserole this morning, chicken florentine.”
“Sounds great,” Will said, looking to Anna. Anna forced a smile and nodded. I say forced, because there was a subtle difference between a natural smile and one you made just for someone else… I’d been making smiles like that for Sherry all day.
We sat down to lunch. Sherry was happily getting everyone something to drink, she even mixed me this fru-fru juice drink, saying aloud how it was my favorite. She also made a big show of putting the casserole in the center of the dinning room table. This meal seemed like it was all just carefully orchestrated for Will. Sherry said a short grace, I didn’t bow my head but stared off into space indifferently. This felt like a movie that I was somehow a part of.
The food was actually really good. Of our family short comings, cooking wasn’t one of them. Sherry made nice with Will, talking about his business which was some sort of communications consulting, while Anna and I picked at our food. I was getting nervous as that need to pee was creeping up on me.
I blushed again. In a way I could see why Sherry was trying
so hard after meeting him, he was so handsome he made my heart flutter. A few
months was wrong though, I hadn’t been here two days and I’d barely been
outside in that time, too embarrassed of what I was wearing.
“It’s slower,” I said at last, digging my spoon at the casserole and trying not to look up at him. “Time goes by a little slower, the days seem a little longer, but that’s not really a bad thing I suppose. There’s a lot to see if you’re into nature.”
Will smiled and I swear I nearly melted.
“How about you Anna,” Sherry asked politely. “Were you looking forward to getting away from the city?”
“Not really,” she said poking at her food.
Sherry didn’t let the gloom affect her, she went right into it again with Will, talking about how she supported herself; which amazingly was through working bi-monthly at country fares. She didn’t specify what that meant, but remembering something my mom once said, I think she was a local apple blossom queen or something. That and her parents left her a tidy cash pile with all the livestock when they passed away a few years ago. My aunt and uncle died in their early 40’s from a commuter plane crash with some other family friends.
“Are you all right
“Fine,” I said curtly at her. I was fidgeting because I was really beginning to feel the need to pee, and I don’t think she actually cared how I felt, she was quietly calling attention to the fact I might potentially embarrass her.
“Is something wrong with the food?”
“No. I’m fine.”
I’d had this same problem the night before, only this time it wasn’t in a controlled situation. I was at a table, with guests, and very seriously about to wet myself… why had I agreed to this?
I tried to stop my fidgeting, just sitting politely and listening to Will and Sherry. After a minute or two more, my focus on the feelings of my need to go were becoming overwhelming. Swallowing my pride, I let myself go.
I twisted the napkin in my lap and hoped I wasn’t making too much noise as the diaper underneath me began to get warm and wet. Even though there really was no noise, and no one could see inside my jeans, I felt sure that everyone could tell exactly what I was doing. Out of nervous habit, I bit my lower lip.
“Are you sure you’re all right
Anna put down her spoon. “Pee yourself?”
“Anna!” Will admonished.
Sherry looked bewildered for a moment, but then turned her head and raised an eyebrow at me. She silently asked ‘well, did you?’ with her facial expression. I just blushed and nodded.
“Oh honey,” Sherry said, acting the part of the caring sister. “If you’ll excuse me,” she said giving Will a pat on the shoulder. She got up and came over to me. I wasn’t sure what she was doing till she took my hand and practically dragged me out of my seat.
I wanted to die… seriously I wished that I could just have spontaneously winked out of existence as I followed behind Sherry. Will offered me another smile as we went past and up the stairs, my embarrassment gave way momentarily to my heart skipping a beat.
“You’re doing sooo wonderfully,” Sherry said as she brought me into my room. “Isn’t Will just the sweetest?”
I began to cry.
I sat on my bed and cried into my hands. Sherry sat down next to me, looking kind of confused.
“Are you all right
“Do you even care about me or my feelings at all?” I asked glaring at her through teary eyes. “This is all some ploy for you to get a guy… my world is seriously messed up right now and you could care less.”
I roughly shoved her away. “YOU? What about me? I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life!”
“You like him too don’t you?”
“He’s a guy,” I said trying not to admit that I’d never been so quickly smitten in my life. “I don’t need strangers seeing me like this and thinking that I...”
Sherry put her arms around me from behind, giving me a big hug and resting her chin on my shoulder.
“It’s all right. I’m sorry I made you do this…”
I knew she was probably lying, but at the same time the hug was the most physical contact with another person I’d had in probably a year, and even if not sincere… it felt good. I stopped crying and she got me to lay down.
“I know you’ve been through a really rough spot… and I haven’t really been that supportive since you came… but I promise, I’m not completely dense. This’ll be a great week okay?”
I tried to ignore her and just laid there while she took off my jeans. I don’t know why, but having a diaper changed was a perverse act. When I was in a new diaper and smelling slightly of talcum powder, she took me back downstairs.
“Sorry about that,
Will and Anna were in the living room next to the dining room. Anna was lying on the floor with her dress pulled up and Will was doing the exact same for her as Sherry had just done for me.
“We’ll just be a moment,” Will said as he finished wiping Anna’s privates with a baby wipe. Sherry looked stunned and truthfully I probably did too. Anna was staring at the ceiling with casual indifference; I couldn’t believe how nonchalant she could be about it, I mean, I could see everything... including the fact that she really was handicapped. Her left leg ended at the knee and she had a prosthetic leg going down into a matching shoe.
“It’s… not a problem,” Sherry said trying to close her gaping mouth. Sitting next to them both was a black bag on the floor that I hadn’t seen them bring in earlier, must have gotten it from the car.
The two of us waited like intruders on someone else’s personal time… Sherry seemed more embarrassed about it then I was. I guess us being girls, and Anna comfortable with her dad on that level made it okay for her, but, there was something there I couldn’t look away from.
When Sherry had changed me, she had done it in the same way someone would clean the glass on a window, like it was a chore that needed to be done. Will… he was tending to her. I don’t know how else to describe it other then to see every movement all the way up to helping Anna back on her feet, was full of love.
And it hurt to see and realize something you’d never had before.
Anna smoothed her dress out and took a few unsteady steps back to the dinning room. She passed right by me with a somewhat proud limp, and gave me a weird look as she did.
Will offered up another sincere smile as he put away the black bag. “You’re not alone,” he said as he passed me with a pat on my shoulder. It was a minute later that I realized I was holding my breath.
Lunch was pretty much over after that. Sherry cleaned up the table and offered to show Will and Anna to the extra room where Will would be staying, and Anna to the room I was already in. Sherry figured that as girls of roughly the same age we’d be fine with it.
“Why don’t you girls get to know each other a little better?” Sherry offered as I helped her carry their bags. Anna was already waiting in my room with Will.
“Umm… sure,” I said bringing in what I think was her bag.
“Isn’t this a nice room Anna?” Will asked as he looked around. The room was mostly white with soft oak furniture on wood floors. Anna was over by the window.
“I guess,” she said. She held one of the white curtains aside to look at the backyard. It had a pretty nice view of fields stretching out to a bordering forest. “How long do we have to stay here Dad?”
“It’s just a few days. It’ll be good for you to get some fresh air and explore nature a little bit.”
Anna left the window rolling her eyes. “Right…”
Will smiled and clapped me on the shoulder. “You two have fun.”
“We’ll be on the back porch if you need us,” Sherry offered. I could tell she practically couldn’t wait to get alone time with Will.
The two of them left. Anna walked over and nudged me aside, taking her bag and sitting it down in the middle of the floor with herself in front of it.
“Enjoy the show?” she asked over her shoulder.
“What… what do you mean?’
Anna took out a leather bound book. “Seeing me naked? Seeing my father change me on the floor like a toddler?”
I blushed. “Umm.. well its not like you tried to hide it.”
Anna shrugged. “I don’t much care.” She moved to the wall under the window and opened up her book and kept it carefully out of my view. The windows of the room were sort of built into the roof, so that the two windows of the room were their own little alcove and outside the windows jutted out like mini-churches on an angled surface.
Anna seemed comfortable in the corner, but given the white walls of the room and the curtains next to her, her darker clothes made her seem out of place. She tucked her knees up to rest the book on, and either on purpose or accidental, I could see right up her dress at the exact same type of diaper I was wearing.
“You don’t want to be here, do you?” I said sitting down and hugging my knees.
Anna didn’t look up from her book, but rather began to draw in it. “No no, visiting the country and meeting some weird hicks is my favorite thing to do when dad’s not working,” she said in the most sarcastic voice she could muster.
I frowned, why had I agreed to this. She didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to be here… despite Sherry’s promise, this week was going to suck.
“So what do you hicks do around here anyway Maddey?”
“My name is
“Oh, aren’t we royalty,” Anna said snidely. “Well MadEEson, Dad said you’ve been here a few months, what’s there to do in hickville?”
This girl could push buttons. “Look outside,
Anna tapped her pen on her prosthetic leg. “Me and the outdoors don’t get along too great.”
“You could just sit around and be miserable then,” I said, beginning to get annoyed.
“Already doing that.”
Anna went back to drawing and I just sat in the middle of the room hugging my legs and staring down at my shoes.
“What are you drawing?” I asked after a time.
“Something with ink.”
I frowned. Silence dragged on for a while longer. Anna kept drawing, I really had nothing to do. There wasn’t a TV in my room, and I didn’t have any books or stuff to occupy myself with… just witty banter with this disgruntled girl in this sick game my cousin was playing. I wished I was anywhere else.
“Your dad seems nice,” I said. He was the only pleasant thought I could think of.
Anna stopped drawing. “Yah, so?”
Now she was glaring at me. “Umm… just saying is all.”
“Well, your sister was all over him. As soon as he gets his rocks off, I’m going to have him take me out of here. Don’t think for a second I’m here for any other reason then him.”
My mouth hung open. “Get his rocks off?”
“My dad hasn’t been laid since mom died. All he does is work and take care of me. I’m afraid he’ll die of blue balls if I don’t get him dating again.”
I was stunned. I couldn’t believe she would say something like that.
“What the hell are you?” I said at last. “How can you be like that?”
Anna laughed. “It comes with being handicapped, when the world is unfair to you, you get a free right to be mean.”
“What?!” I said starting to breath a little heavy. “But… your dad?”
Anna sighed. “Dad’s naïve. Ever since mom died, he’s put all his effort into helping me. It’s starting to smother me, I just want him to relax a bit, and she was the first person he had talked about beside me.”
Jesus Christ… this was nightmare. Will might have been innocent, but from where I stood, it seemed like two sides were playing each other… and I was somewhere in the middle.
I slowly stood up and started to run out of the room. I wasn’t phased by the crinkling or the unfamiliar way I was forced to run. I came down the stairs, hit the front door and looked at the long dirt road that led away from the house and off to nowhere.
This was too much. Why was I willingly being a part of this? Could I just go? I had a thousand now. Could I just take it and start walking? Tears started to trail down my cheek.
“Is everything all right
I looked at them and froze. “I um…” I tried to get my crying under control.
“Did you have another accident?” Will asked with a concerned look.
I blushed, but shook my head no.
“Then why are you crying?” Sherry asked confused.
“I think I know,” Will sighed as he walked past me.
“Umm… everything all right Madison?” Sherry asked when we were alone. I just shook my head no and stayed quiet. “Remember our talk earlier? I promise, I’ll make this a good week.”
Will came down the stairs a second later with Anna right behind him. She had to take each stair one at time and she had an annoyed look on her face.
“Anna… What did you say?” Will asked. He didn’t say it so much as a demand, but more as something you’d ask an errant child.
Anna just shrugged. “I’m sure
Will sighed again. “Please Anna, try to make friends… please? For me? Can you two try to be friends?”
Anna rolled her eyes.
“Okay…” I offered. Will smiled my way, and I tried not to look like it was the only reason I said it. Sherry smiled as well, taking a second to brush some of her long blonde hair out of her face and bend down to hug me in a fake sisterly way.
“You two play nice,” she said like I was two. I wanted to scream, but I held it in. The two of us went back upstairs to the room. Sherry and Will went to do whatever they were doing before. A part of me hoped it wasn’t what Anna thought.
“Didn’t rat me out?” Anna asked as she settled in by the window again.
“You want your dad to get laid, and my ‘sister’,” and I put a lot of sarcasm on sister, “wants the same thing… Everyone’s happy right? I think you had it right earlier. Let’s just ignore each other, kay?”
Anna smirked. “Sounds good,” she said as she went back to drawing.
I went and laid down on the bed. I’d slept in this morning but if there was one thing I’d learned from my torment with arguing parents, forcing yourself to sleep helped make the time go by faster. I simply NEEDED this week to be over.
I woke up some time later to a sharp pain. I moaned feebly and clutched at my stomach.
“Umm… can you stop being noisy over there?” Anna asked from the window. She was still sitting there and looked at me cautiously.
“Stomach… hurts,” I managed to say before passing a little gas… Anna made a face and I blushed, but then suddenly I gasped. My eyes shot wide open. That wasn’t just gas, and it was not about to wait. My stomach cramped up again and before I could even muster any control over myself, something warm and wet was forcing itself out of me.
“You didn’t…” Anna said with an incredulous look on her face. She got up and limped over to me, laughing softly. “Well… damn.”
I just hugged at my stomach and started to cry as my diaper continued to fill. I wanted to quit. Whenever Sherry got back up here, I’d tell her game over… this was too much.
“You know, I’ve always thought my accident left me with the short end of the stick, but even without my leg, I can say I’m glad I don’t have TOTAL incontinence,” Anna said. “I’ll go get your sister.”
Instead of leaving the room, Anna simply went over to the window and opened it. “Hey dad? Are you still on the back porch?”
“We’re down here,” Will called.
“Bring Sherry, her sister needs her again.”
I didn’t wait, I ran down the hallway clutching my stomach and shut myself in the bathroom. This was not something I wanted to share with company, or even my cousin. I fell to my knees, being careful not to sit on what was in my diaper. Was I sick? How had that happened?
“Everything okay? Where did
“She pooped herself, cried about it and ran into the bathroom.”
“Anna! You of all people should sympathize with her,” Will said.
“She asked a question, I answered.”
There was quiet for a moment, before someone knocked on the
I didn’t answer, I just sat on the floor.
“I’m here,” I said through some tears. I felt really crappy (literally) and even though I wanted to die, I didn’t want to be alone. The handle on the door turned and Sherry poked her head in.
“Aww honey, it’s okay.”
No it wasn’t.
“Come on off the floor, let me help you.”
She didn’t really want to help me.
“I’m not feeling well,” I said as she pulled me up.
“Let me help you out of the diaper and you can take a shower.”
I nodded. “I don’t want to do this any more,” I said still crying and feeling miserable, I guess it finally got to her because she looked at me sheepishly.
“I’ll make it $6000, that was my bad, I spiked your drink.”
Sherry quickly put her hand over my mouth. “Shhhh.”
I bit her hand, she winced but held it there.
“Ow ow, stop it.”
I had a solid reason not too.
“I’m sorry, but look, it brought you right into character didn’t it? Will just adores you.”
I stopped biting. “He… does?”
Sherry nodded. “I think if you could make friends with Anna, it’d go a long way.”
I wanted to quit. I wanted to run away… but all I could think of was Will’s smile and the way he looked at me… like I was the one in a million similarity to his daughter. I stood motionless as Sherry took off my jeans, helped me out of the diaper and got me into the shower.
“I hate you,” I said sincerely.
“I know sweetie. You’re doing great.”
I didn’t speak to Sherry for the rest of the afternoon. I didn’t speak to Anna for that matter either. I answered a few questions for Will at the dinner table, mostly about what Anna and I could do the next day. I had wanted to say we could ignore each other and pretend to pal around, but instead I agreed to take her out. He had his mind set that the two of us would go see a lake somewhere on the farm that Sherry had told him about.
After dinner and some TV, Sherry laid out a sleeping bag on the floor of my room and left a pillow for me. Anna was going to have the bed as the guest. I took off my jeans and found a long t-shirt before going and trying to brush my teeth. Anna was already in the bathroom with the door open doing the same. She was wearing a loose pair of sweats and simple t-shirt, and for a moment she looked pretty normal, but like me earlier, you could see the edge of the diaper poking out of her sweats.
She saw me in the mirror and I waited patiently, but she made a nod for me to join and didn’t say anything as I did. I brushed, rinsed, spat, and headed back to the room. Anna followed a moment later and we both found Sherry and Will waiting. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but Anna went right up to Will. He knelt down so their height was even and she put an arm on his shoulder. Carefully he raised the leg of her sweats to her knee and undid the clasps on her prosthetic leg, removing it.
I’d like to say that I didn’t stare, but I did. It was surreal, not weird, but just something I’d never seen. Will hugged her close and lifted her into the bed and gave her a kiss on the forehead. I was jealous. So jealous that I didn’t feel Sherry lifting the back of my nightshirt. I did however feel her pull the back of my diaper away. I let out a small shriek as Sherry checked on me in a rather infantile way.
“Your clean,” Sherry proclaimed.
I spun around and nearly slapped her. I heard Anna giggle a little and surprisingly, I saw Will frowning at Sherry. She took immediate notice and genuinely looked embarrassed.
“I was only joking with her,” she said patting me on the head. If it weren’t for the company, I would have hit her.
I crossed my arms. “If I have a problem, I’ll tell you.”
Sherry forced a smile, but backed off. She mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ when Will wasn’t looking, but I turned away from her and showed her my back.
“How are you doing Anna?” Will asked his daughter.
Will just nodded and went to her black bag. I know that earlier, I said that getting a diaper change seemed like a perverse act to me… well I couldn’t help but wish that it was me that Will was about to change. Anna didn’t seem to care, but I could see the earnest look of love that Will had for her.
“I’ll be downstairs,” Sherry said politely excusing herself.
“I’ll be down shortly,” Will said. Her pulled down Anna’s sweats and began to change her diaper. I laid down on the sleeping bag, trying my best to think on something else.
“Good night,” Will said when he was finished. Anna didn’t
reply. “And good night to you too
“Good night,” I offered shyly.
He left and shut the door behind him. It wasn’t really that late, it was already dark out, but as teens, not that late. The agreement to ignore each other held true and both Anna and I just laid quietly; aware of the other’s presence, but not doing anything about it.
I didn’t go to sleep easy. The nap I’d had earlier left me fairly awake. Not only that, but my mind was too jam packed with the torment of an unsettling reality. Here I was, used, unloved and wearing a diaper. All I had to go on was the promise I could try and find my own way a few days from now. I think I just wanted to die.
I finally fell asleep, probably around one or two. When I woke up there was light coming through the window. I wasn’t completely awake, just groggily not asleep and feeling the need to use the bathroom.
I started to shift and push myself off the sleeping bag, but in doing so I heard the crinkle that reminded me just what I was wearing. I wasn’t really in the mood to play more games this morning, so I quietly got out of my sleeping bag and crept out of the room to check the hallway. I could hear someone in the shower, and I swore before going back into the room and getting in my sleeping bag once more.
Anna was still sleeping on the bed and I tried not to wake her. Last thing I needed was for her to be cranky at me. Back in my sleeping bag, and wishing that I was somewhere else, I slowly forced myself to wet the diaper I was wearing. It’d make my cousin happy at least.
It was probably another hour of just lying fitfully on the floor before I heard Anna.
“Yah, I’m up.”
I contemplated throwing my pillow at her. “No,” I said sharply. “You?”
“Not since before the car accident,” she said in the same voice.
For a moment I actually felt a little bad, but at the same time, it was a confliction of emotions since whatever things were wrong in her life, seemed equal to or less then what was wrong with mine.
“Can you go get my dad? I don’t want to go hopping around on one foot.”
I sighed but got up and crinkled out into the hall. Whoever was in the bathroom earlier was out now. No one was in the guest room or Sherry’s room, so I went down the stairs to find Sherry and Will talking over breakfast.
“Morning sis,” Sherry said with a golden smile. Will nodded pleasantly over a cup of coffee at me.
I stumbled for a moment trying to remember if I had come down just to see him smile or do something else.
“Umm… Anna is up and…”
Will took another sip out of his coffee before setting it down and getting up. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and I couldn’t help but marvel at his physique. Sherry followed him up as I led the way to the bedroom.
“Morning dad,” Anna said, now sitting up in the bed.
“Morning Anna,” he said warmly. “Need a change?”
Will went right to her black bag just as he had the night before and Anna made herself more comfortable on the bed.
Sherry came up to me. “Do you need me to check?”
I frowned, “Just change me too.”
“Well go ahead and lie down then honey,” Sherry said going to the closet.
“Now?” I asked suddenly realizing she intended to change me in front of Will and Anna.
“We don’t mind,” Will said as he was untaping Anna’s diaper.
I bit my lower lip and Sherry came back with the diaper package and motioned for me to lay down on the sleeping bag. I whimpered a little, looking at Will out of the corner of my eye, but he was pretty focused on Anna. Sherry was giving me the pleading stare to not make it awkward, but it was a bit late for that. I laid down on the sleeping bag and blushed bright red as Sherry lifted my night shirt and both Anna and I got our diapers changed. The humiliation never ceased.
After our change, Sherry had dug up an old pair of her overalls and a red shirt for me. Anna had a hard time suppressing a laugh as I ended up dressing every bit like the hick I’d told her I wasn’t. Sherry even took the time to put my hair into a pony tail. Anna was in a simple pair of blue capris with black top.
It wasn’t long after that the four of us were having breakfast. Sherry was cooking the eggs, Will had insisted on grilling the bacon and ham. The two of them had made known the plan that Anna and I would be going outside today.
“You remember where the lake is
I nodded absently, very subtle cousin… very subtle indeed. Anna sent a few glares to her father as he smiled and talked about how much he loved the outdoors. He even asked about a campout or bonfire later in the week. Sherry loved the idea… or at least pretended she did.
After breakfast, Anna and I set out for the lake. Anna didn’t look at all pleased to being forced out of the house with me.
“Your sister better be worth this for my dad,” she said as she limped off the dirt road and through the field. I choose not to comment.
It took us a little while to get there, I had to keep waiting for Anna. It wasn’t like she was struggling, she just had to take it slower and make each step carefully in the uneven field.
The farm was pleasant and it wasn’t disgusting hot out. Since the field hadn’t been grazed on by any animals in recent years the grass was long and even though I felt somehow dumber wearing overalls, I was glad that they covered my legs against any tics and chiggers. I hid a smile as Anna grunted her way through one particularly overgrown patch.
It wasn’t too long before we found our way through a thin forest of trees to a natural lake and our destination.
“So what now cowgirl?” Anna asked limping up next to me.
I shrugged and picked up a rock, skipping it across the lake. If anything, it was pretty, but aside from throwing rocks I couldn’t think of anything to do.
“We could go for a swim,” I said at last, but immediately had second thoughts as I realized I didn’t have a bathing suit and didn’t feel entirely comfortable skinny dipping in broad daylight.
“I think my dad knows I hate nature,” Anna said at length. “You can swim if you want, go frolic with the frogs or whatever.”
Her tone was almost complete disgust. “Did you always hate nature?” I asked.
Anna looked at me for a moment, giving me a glare. “No… I didn’t. I didn’t hate stairs or have plumbing like a leaky faucet either, but sometimes your circumstances change things.”
“I know what you mean,” I said taking another rock and skipping it in the water. I didn’t hate my cousin till a few days ago. I didn’t hate my life this much till a year ago.
Anna opened her mouth to say something but then frowned and shut it. “Maybe my dad’s not so naïve,” she laughed to herself. “Every time he’s tried to force me to make friends, I’ve always pushed them away and made them feel awful because they don’t suffer like I do.” Anna bent down, it was an awkward movement as she put her left leg out to the side like she was doing some tai chi pose, but managed to make it look somewhat graceful as she picked up a rock too. “A guilt trip isn’t going to work on you is it?” she said chucking the stone at the water.
I looked over my shoulder at her. “I think if you knew the whole truth, you’d think I had it worse then you.”
Anna raised an eyebrow at me.
I grabbed a rock and chucked it hard at the water. It didn’t skip like the others, it just made a kurploosh. Anna looked at me kind of weird and I smiled at her the way that sharks probably smile at smaller fish.
“Somehow I don’t think you’re lying,” she said at last. “What’s with your sister anyway? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was teasing you more then patronizing you.”
I laughed a little. Some sister… she’d been using me as a way to get to Will. And here was Will’s daughter, using her simply as a way to have her dad to stop smothering her. I was the pawn.
“You know what? You liked fucked up things right?” I asked finding another rock. “You seem demented enough from our little talks.”
Anna smirked and raised her eyebrow. “Try me.”
“Sherry’s not my sister,” I said throwing the rock. I laughed hard at that. Anna just looked confused. I hadn’t ratted on her, and somehow I knew she wouldn’t on me.
“What is she to you?”
“She’s my cousin.” I said laughing even harder. “I came to live with her because my parents didn’t want me any more. They just recently got divorced and neither one wanted to be weighed down by anything.”
“Ouch,” Anna smiled. “That’s kind of messed up… but why the charade?”
“Oh it gets better. I was looking forward to living with my cousin, but she tells me she’s got this boy she’s interested in and she needs me to pretend to be her special little sister. Coincidently she told this big lie that just happened to be true for your dad.”
Anna just smiled even broader.
“That’s where you come in!” I said pointing at her. Then I grabbed at straps of my overalls and lowered the front flap to show off what I was wearing. “These diapers? I don’t need them… Sherry’s been forcing me to use them and even spiked my drink during lunch yesterday so I’d shit myself.”
Anna burst out laughing. “Wow… Now that, is fucked up.”
I kept laughing… she was laughing, I was laughing… then just as quickly, I sank to my knees and started crying, great big sobs, hugging my stomach. Anna took a few steps over to a tree nearby and put her back to it, easing herself down to sit on the ground.
“Your right...” she said after a moment. “You do have it worse.”
“I want to die,” I said between sobs.
Anna frowned. “Slow down
“You asked why I didn’t rat you out yesterday.”
Anna nodded slowly. She was watching me with a curious look now.
“I felt trapped, trapped in my cousins’ plans, trapped in your plans… Everyone is out for themselves… EVERYONE! I’m just a pawn. The only reason I’m doing any of this is because my cousin promised me a few thousand dollars and that she’d drive me somewhere so I could start a new life.”
Anna sat at the base of the tree mulling over what I said, while I continued to cry, thinking over all the shit I’d been put through over the past few months and wondering why the world had to be so cruel… and most cliché of all… wondering why nobody loved me.
I tried to stop crying enough to look at her.
“I think you’re the first person I might consider being friends with.”
I went back to crying.
Anna limped up to me and kicked me in the thigh with her prosthetic leg. I fell off balance and had to take a hand away from my eyes to steady myself. I looked at her confused and hurt.
“All right, you win. Your life sucks more then mine. Grow up and get over it.”
My mouth hung open, but she just made another kick with her leg. That thing was metal somewhere and it freaking hurt. In a panic I swept my hand out and the two made contact at an awkward angle. The leg came off and buried itself upside down in the mud right before the water’s edge.
Anna and I both gasped.
“What the fuck
“You… you were kicking me!” I said looking up at her.
“To try and get you to stop being a drama whore. Jesus, our lives suck, get over it.” She pushed herself up to balance, hopping awkwardly back to the tree. “Go get it!” she demanded, pointing at the leg. I turned and looked at it… in a sick way, it was sticking right up out of the water, and it kind of looked like there was a body that had been potted there like a flower with only one leg out. Maybe the ridiculousness of it all got to me, but in my tears I laughed a little.
“Alright haha, my leg’s in the mud. Can you help me out?”
I dried my tears, trying to halt my sobbing and trudged over to her leg, pulling it out. The half where her knee would go was caked with mud pretty bad. I walked back to Anna. She looked somewhat embarrassed, and held her hand out for the leg with a frown.
“I won’t say anything to my dad or to your ‘sister’,” she said taking the prosthetic. She turned it right side up. She had to balance on one foot to brush the mud off with one hand while holding the leg with the other. “Jesus you broke the clasp,” she said looking at the round spot where her knee went.
“Sorry…” I said feeling bad. “You were kicking me. I haven’t exactly been in a good mood lately.”
Anna smirked. “It’s not that big a deal, but my dad’s going to freak out. He probably won’t make us go outside any more if he thinks this will make me depressed.”
“I don’t follow what you mean.”
Anna steadied herself on the tree again. “Nothing, just let me put an arm around your shoulder, and help me walk back to the house.”
I looked at her confused, but I came in shoulder to shoulder and let her put her arm around me. She carried her leg in the other hand. We started walking back.
“Have you seriously thought about suicide?” Anna asked noticing my sobbing still.
I looked away from her and at the ground, but I nodded. In the late hours of the night, I’d considered it.
“Don’t… Don’t even think that! I know I’m not the nicest person, and I’ve got a chip on my shoulder that the world put there… but… I’ve been down that dark street too, and there’s a way out.”
We kept walking and I wondered to myself where she was going with this. I didn’t know what to say, but it was strange to share a conversation with this girl who I was fairly sure hated me a few hours before.
We cleared the forest line and we could see Will and Sherry sitting together on the back porch. One look at us and Will was running through the tall grass.
“What happened?” he called as he came near.
“I tripped and my leg got stuck in the mud,” Anna said as we came back toward the house.
Will leaned in and brushed his strong shoulder by me, taking Anna behind the knees and carrying her wedding style. I shyly held my arm and watched as he carried her away. Anna looked at me for a second and then at her dad. An odd look came over her and she winked at me.
Sherry came up and made a confused panicky motion with her arms.
“It’s fine,” I said, knowing she was worried I might have just caused Will and Anna to end their visit early.
“What happened?” Sherry asked walking with me.
“She tripped or you tripped her?”
I shrugged. “In an odd way, I think she understands me.”
Sherry looked confused but didn’t ask. I wondered if she even cared.
The rest of the day was a bit more subdued. Will didn’t make a fuss about us going outside and playing around. He spent a good hour worrying over Anna, and in the end was content to let us sit around on the couch and watch TV. Anna was pretty quiet the rest of the afternoon, leaving me to wonder what she had meant about the dark street comment.
Will and Sherry left the house to go to a hardware store to pick up a clasp lock of some sort for Anna’s leg. Will was pretty sure he could fix it and Sherry said she knew the closest store. While they were gone, I went to the bathroom and took care of some personal business. I figured it was past the point that Anna cared now that she knew the truth.
It took them an hour or two to get back; Anna and I hadn’t said anything and were still watching TV. Sherry made us a nice dinner, and I noticed that Will was making more of an effort to pay attention to his daughter instead of Sherry. To my delight, Sherry noticed it too.
After dinner we had a plutonic sort of evening, Will fixed the leg clasp and helped Anna get it back on. Then Will wanted to have something that all of us could do and we ended up playing a board game. Sherry didn’t have anything really common so she happily taught everyone the rules of Parcheesi. The only thing notable was that I had a quiet struggle with my bladder and for whatever reason I can’t fathom, I continued the charade.
Anna and I took separate showers after games and were treated to simultaneous changes once again as we got ready for bed. Sherry was doing her best to be cheery in the hopes she could bring up Will’s mood, who had still been extra careful around Anna and asked how she was doing twice as much as yesterday.
Will gave Anna a kiss on the forehead after helping her into bed, and not to be outdone, Sherry did the same for me. They both left, turning out the lights as they did. I felt kind of stupid, it was probably only 9 or 10 in the evening and here we were tucked in like toddlers.
“You tired?” Anna asked from the bed.
“Not in the slightest. I didn’t sleep well last night either.”
Anna laughed. “You know, if I were in your shoes… I don’t think I could play along with this as well as you do.”
I looked up from my sleeping bag. “What do you mean?”
“Sherry’s just changed your wet diaper on the floor, and I’m sure in the morning, she’ll expect you to have wet during the night and want to do the same thing… just like me.”
I frowned, I didn’t really need to be reminded I’d just been put in a diaper after sitting around in a wet one for a few hours. “yah… and?”
“Do it,” Anna grinned.
I rolled my eyes. “Wow… great advice. You want a split of the money?”
Anna sat up. “No, no, I’m serious. Give her what she wants… and then some.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “No comprende.”
“Do you have to pee right now?”
“Uh I guess. Why?”
“Sherry wants you to have special needs right? She’s supposed to care for you right?”
I nodded. “So the lie goes.”
“Wet yourself, wait a little bit, then go find her and tell her you had an accident and need help. Make her work for your cooperation.”
I was about to tell her that she was being stupid, but the more I thought about it, the more intelligent the idea seemed.
“What if she’s in the middle of something with…” and I made a poking motion with my finger through a ring with my thumb.
Anna smiled. “Meh, my dad’s too old school. Besides he’ll be all right, he always put my needs first and I’m sure he’ll understand.”
I bit my lower lip. “I don’t know if I like the idea though, it’d be like giving in to her demand.”
Anna shook her head. “NO! It’s like turning the tables. You have to look at it from a demented perspective. She’s only helping right now because my dad expects her too. I’ve seen you staring, I know you can tell the difference in how he cares for me and how she cares for you.”
That got me blushing. “Your dad’s not in this for the same reasons. He’s such a sweet guy.”
“A sweet guy who isn’t afraid to ask ‘do you need a change?’ in a crowded room then change you in a family restroom, or insist on carrying you up a flight of stairs like you’re a child.”
I couldn’t stop blushing, was I weird if I wouldn’t have minded those things? “I don’t want your dad to think less of me.”
Anna smirked. “You like him, don’t you?”
I looked at her quickly and shook my head no.
“Riiiiight… well… it’s your choice anyway.”
I laid there thinking about it for a minute. The idea of causing some trouble for Sherry did seem fun, but at the same time, I wasn’t really like that. I practically died of embarrassment every time I wet.
“I think I’ll just see the week through and move on,” I said finally.
Anna sighed and laid back down. We were both quiet for a little while. I still wasn’t tired and was probably a bit restless, just laying in the sleeping bag and turning over a couple of times. Stupid diapers crinkle loud, maybe pajamas pants would help tomorrow.
“I want to tell you something I haven’t told anyone else.”
I rolled over and looked at her. There was something oddly calmer about her voice, although she finally seemed to be showing her young age. She sat up on the bed and got out of the covers, easing herself down to the floor. Sensing that this wasn’t going to be like our earlier conversation, I scooched across the floor to her.
“I tried to commit suicide…” Anna said slowly. “My mom died and I very nearly did too… it took six months before I could walk on my good leg, and I’ve never quite gotten used to the plastic Barbie one,” she took in a deep breath. “I felt like I’d been robbed. I was 11 and all these people and doctors were telling me that I’d never be able to do all this stuff ever again. I wet myself all the time… I just, didn’t want to accept it.”
It was weird, Anna suddenly looked like I did earlier. There wasn’t a lot of light in the room, but I could tell she wasn’t used to sharing.
“One of the nurses left some pills in my room, they were Tylenol or something… I downed the whole bottle hoping to just get it over with. I passed out and they found out pretty fast. I got my stomach pumped.” Anna looked up at me and quickly took my hand, squeezing hard. “I know I’m rough, but… I have to tell you this. The only thing that made me regret what I did was my dad. He cried and cried, he didn’t even leave my side for a few months straight. He put his life on hold to make sure mine was back together.”
I felt tears coming to my eyes. “I don’t think anyone would do that for me.”
Anna let go of my hand. “I…I… I know. I mean, I don’t know. If no one will be there, I’ll be there okay?”
“You barely know me,” I started to cry. “What’s my last name?”
Anna frowned. “Look you dumb blonde, I’m trying to tell you suicide isn’t the answer. So what if your cousin is trash, we’ll work through this okay?” She said taking my hand again. “Let me finish the damn story.”
“Not if it’s going to make me feel worse.”
Anna shook my hand roughly. “You’re older than me right?”
I nodded weakly.
“Start freaking acting like it! Now look, my dad? He barely knew who I was three years ago… he was always working or traveling, or doing some type of power meeting. The first time I found out he cared was when I tried to kill myself… and I didn’t stop there. After I tried committing suicide, I gave up. Completely shut down.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant. “What do you mean?”
“I stopped caring about everything. I didn’t get out of bed, I stopped going to rehabilitation, I stopped eating,” Anna blushed, “I even stopped trying to make it to the bathroom… for anything.”
“But he… and you? You push him around and complain he smothers you?”
“My dad and I spent a lot of time together. He didn’t go any where and I couldn’t go any where… he took care of whatever I needed, like… I was a baby or something… and it brought us a lot closer together. I know I complain, but at the same time, I appreciate it.”
I slumped my shoulders. “I don’t understand what the point of all this is. Someone cares for you… no one cares for me.”
Anna frowned and lightly slapped me on the cheek. “Just listen, all right? Things aren’t great for me either, even now after all the rehabilitation and time I’ve had with my dad.”
“Your dad seems like such a great guy, and you push him around.”
“I push at my dad to try and get him to focus on his own life a little, since he’s finally helped me with mine. I really do love him, but he can’t make me the only priority in his life.”
I scooched back over to my bed. “I’m happy for you,” I said feeling awkward.
I crawled into the sleeping bag. “No promises,” I said turning away from her.
Anna sighed and pulled herself back onto the bed. “Good
It took a little while for me to fall asleep. My head replayed the conversation, and although I felt sad for Anna and what she’d been through, I couldn’t help feeling like I had fair reason to feel worse. After an hour of laying there, I was starting to feel the need to pee and without wanting to deal with it, I just went, knowing it’d get taken care of to my embarrassment in the morning.
Anna was awake before I was and judging by the light, it was pretty early.. I heard her shuffle and crinkle off the bed, followed by the odd hopping noise as she steadied herself along the wall and headed out of the room. I just rolled over in my sleeping bag and tried to sleep some more. I was wet, but I didn’t feel like getting Sherry up yet.
“So you couldn’t wait a few more hours?” Will said as he carried Anna into the room.
“It wasn’t just me,” Anna said in a slightly pleading voice.
I turned over and looked at the two of them stunned. Anna was grinning at me fiendishly as her dad carried her to her bed.
“That’s all right,” Will said with a laugh; he tussled Anna’s hair. “I’ll take care of her and then get to you.”
Oh my god my face went red. Will just smiled at me and went over to the package Sherry had left in the open closet.
“You’re okay with this
I blushed and bit my lower lip.
“She’s fine dad!” Anna said from the bed.
Will unzipped the side of my sleeping bag and gently pulled my night shirt up a little to change my wet diaper. I tried to roll my head and eyes back to look at Anna on the bed. I glared at her, to which she just smiled back. I was about to say something till I felt a wet wipe and fought to keep from gasping.
“Sorry about that,” Will blushed himself. “This is actually the first time I’ve changed another girl besides my daughter.”
“It’s… okay,” I managed to slur out. He was a lot more proficient at this then Sherry was. He cleaned me, powdered me, and diapered me… and for the first time since I’d been wearing diapers for faux reasons, I felt warm about it.
“There we go,” he said doing up the tapes.
I tried to stammer my way through a thanks, but nothing but vague mumbling came out. He smiled and got up to help Anna next. She laid down as he went about changing her.
“All right girls, all dry. Rest a few more hours and we’ll get some breakfast.”
“Okay daddy!” Anna said in a voice entirely not like the one she’d had yesterday.
Will smiled. “It’s good to see you like this again, I was hoping you’d perk up by coming to the country,” he said as he shut the door.
I waited till I couldn’t hear him walking down the hall any more.
“What the hell was that?” I asked, sitting up in the sleeping bag. I looked down at the diaper on my waist and almost couldn’t believe it. Had he really…?
“Well I was thinking last night about how best to help a sad sack like you and I came up with a plan.”
I looked at her surprised. “I don’t know if I want to be a part of any more plans.”
I think I needed my head examined… but… a plan about me? “What’s your plan?”
Anna grinned. “I don’t care if you feel bad about turning the tables on Sherry. You’re going to do something for yourself for once, and I promise… do it and you’ll get a lot more attention from my dad.”
I blushed, but didn’t object.
“Do exactly as I say… put your thumb in your mouth.”
“Morning sis,” I mumbled sleepily.
Sherry walked past me on her way to the window and opened the curtain, letting in some more sun. “Do you need a change this morning?” she asked coming over to me. She stopped and looked at me bewildered as I laid there sucking my thumb.
“My dad changed us both,” Anna said as she stretched and yawned. She made an over exaggerated show of patting her dry diaper.
Sherry’s eyes flashed to her and then to me. I shrugged in an embarrassed way, still blushing.
“Well, that was nice,” Sherry said evenly. “I’ll have to thank him,” she added with a slight stutter.
I nodded dumbly.
“Is breakfast ready?” Anna asked.
“Not yet. Will should be up soon and we’ll start cooking.”
“Yay!” Anna said in the same foreign voice she’d used with her dad earlier this morning.
Sherry left the room looking confused.
“Yay?” I asked taking my thumb out of my mouth.
Anna just smiled at me. “I usually reserve this kind of thing for special occasions. Don’t worry, the fun is only beginning.”
I got up and out of my sleeping bag, stretching a bit. It would be an interesting day at the very least. Anna put on her prosthetic and the two of us went downstairs in our pajamas.
“So what do you girls want to do today?” Will asked as we sat down.
“Something all together!” Anna blurted.
Sherry had the hint of a frown, but I think only I noticed it. She tried to look busy on the eggs.
“Do you feel up to doing something outside again?” Will asked with concern.
Anna nodded. “Let’s go to a park or something.”
Will’s smile faded a little. “Anna?”
“What are you playing at? What’s with the 180 since yesterday?”
I sank a little lower in my seat. I had worried about this. Anna was acting noticeably different; yesterday she’d been pretty gloomy, now she was acting almost on par with Sherry. My cousin noticed it too and stopped cooking a second to listen in.
“Nothing daddy, I just needed a little time to adjust to Madison and Sherry.”
Will didn’t quite look convinced, but he turned to Sherry. “Are there any good parks nearby to visit Sherry?”
“A few national forests with some hiking trails, there’s a wildlife preserve about 20 minutes away.”
“The preserve!” Anna cheered.
Sherry shrugged. “It’s got an easy trail we could walk, nice waterfall at the end of it too.”
“Sounds great, you sure you’re okay walking a little Anna?”
Anna nodded and bumped shoulders with me. “I’ll be fine,
Will smiled at me and I blushed.
Breakfast was similar to what we’d had yesterday. Sherry and Will talked about the preserve and what we’d do there today. Anna was quickly warming up to the idea of her new plan and put on a little show of eating with a bit more immaturity then I’d seen her before. I was still feeling unsure about the whole thing and carefully tried not to act any differently.
When the plates were clean and agreements on what to do were made, we all went to get dressed. Sherry insisted on picking out another outfit for me, I wanted to resist but Anna insisted on her dad picking an outfit for her too. In the end, I was wearing some hiking shorts and sleeveless but collared shirt, while Anna was wearing a skirt with a t-shirt. Anna wore her skirt a little high to show off the fact she was diapered and when Sherry wasn’t looking, she tugged at my shorts to have the diaper show out the top a bit more.
It was decided to take Will’s car since it could hold all four of us. Sherry packed a picnic lunch and had me gather a few towels and blankets.
“Hey dad, can you bring my bag,” Anna asked as we walked to the car.
Will shrugged. “You think we’ll need it?”
Anna grinned and nodded my way. “She might.”
“What? I’m just being precautious,” Anna smiled.
Will didn’t complain and doubled back to the house. Sherry caught up to me as we came near the car.
“You’re really getting into this huh?” she smiled giving me a thumbs up.
I dryly offered her a thumbs up back, forcing a smile of my own. “It makes Anna happy,” I offered as an explanation.
We piled into the car with Sherry giving directions, Anna and I in the back and Will driving. Somehow I nodded off, because before I knew it Anna was bumping me awake.
“I hope you realize I’m going to break a personal promise to myself for you,” she said leaning in to whisper.
“Huh, wha? Are we there yet?”
“I think so, its been about 20 minutes.”
I stretched and yawned as the car came to a stop somewhere at the end of a dirt road in a forest. We all got out, Will took a backpack which was full of our picnic lunch, and Sherry volunteered to carry the black bag… which is to say the diaper bag for Anna and I.
We started off at a nice walk through the forest. Sherry was in a really good mood and linked arms with Will, dropping into a little more thickness with her country accent. She was wearing a cut off pair of shorts and I have to say out of jealousy that she had a body that could wear them well. On top of the shorts she had a shirt revealing her midriff and a red bandana in her hair with two pony tails falling out the back. Will was wearing loose jeans and a button up shirt that made him look like he had just come from the pages of an LL Bean catalogue.
It was early summer and a good day to be outside. I was stifled a little by what I was wearing and glad that no one could see the fact I was obviously diapered. If Anna cared, she didn’t show it. I stayed walking at her pace as Will and Sherry walked a little ahead of us.
“Oh gawd eeeew…” Anna said suddenly leaning into me. “I don’t think I’ve ever done that standing up before.”
Anna blushed, “Umm you’ll probably find out before too long. I told you I’d have to break a promise to myself.”
We continued walking a little further, but I couldn’t help but notice she was walking a little weird even for her. It was more of a waddle. I was about to say something when she discreetly put her hand under her skirt and gave the rear of her diaper a pat.
I scrunched up my nose. “You’re kidding right? Why would you do that?”
“Its part of the plan,” Anna said taking a few awkward steps forward. “Plus popping a squat on a fake leg doesn’t happen.”
I shook my head almost not believing this. “That still doesn’t explain why you would do that?”
“Because yesterday you broke down and made me feel sorry for you… that’s not an easy thing to do. I’ve based my social life on making people feel sorry for me.”
“So you’re saying you just messed yourself out of pity for me?”
“Sounds stupid when you say it like that doesn’t it? Remember the plan.”
I nodded. “You’re crazy.”
“You have to do it too. Whenever the feeling hits, just go.”
I dropped my jaw. “But, but…”
“Daddy!!!” Anna called ahead. She put on the water works a
little and suddenly leaned into me again. I wheezed but couldn’t say anything
as I watched the
“Everything okay Anna?” Will asked turning back to us.
Anna sniffled dramatically. “I think breakfast disagreed with me… I had an accident.”
“Do you think you need a change right now?”
Anna put it on a little heavier. “I didn’t just pee daddy.”
“Oh,” Will said. “OOoooooohhh,” he quickly dropped Sherry’s arm and started walking back to us. Sherry let out a sigh, but dutifully took the black bag off her shoulder and followed him.
“Awww, you okay?” Will asked as he came up to us.
Anna nodded. “Sorry, it just… happened.”
“That’s all right. We didn’t get too far from the car, let me take you back and we’ll get you changed.”
Anna nodded and let herself get picked up onto Will’s back in a very fatherly looking carry. I just sort of stood there watching the whole thing unfold like a bystander in a commercial. Sherry nudged me and nodded for me to follow them.
I wanted to be Anna at that moment. Maybe not for the reasons that I could see up her skirt and the state of her diaper, but riding on the back of that tall man as he carried her off somewhere to care and dobt upon.
Sherry looked at me with a bit of a smile, but it didn’t seem genuine. “Did you and Anna have a talk last night?”
I forced a smile and shrugged. “Just girly stuff. She doesn’t really have a lot of friends.”
“I’m glad y’all are getting along.”
I nodded and watched as she passed to give the diaper bag to Will as he laid Anna across the back seat of his car.
“Do you need a change while we’re here?” Sherry asked as she walked back. I shook my head no. We both waited while Anna got herself changed, Sherry was staying close by at first, but I think the smell drove her off. Once finished, Will bagged up the problem and left it in the trunk.
Anna was smiling as we started walking again. Sherry was quick to link arms once more and wander on ahead.
“I talked to dad while he changed me,” Anna grinned.
That got me a little nervous. “About what?”
“He didn’t buy my excuse this morning, he knows something’s up.”
“Anna… you didn’t tell him did you?”
Anna smiled devilishly.
“Jeeze, I didn’t tell him… at least not what you’re worried about.”
“What did you say to him then?”
“He knows that sometimes… if I’m really down and out, I’ll get like this and he’ll care a little extra for me.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And?”
“He asked why I was doing it, and I told him that it was for you.”
I stopped walking. “Anna!”
“Don’t worry, he said he’d talk to Sherry about it. Just wait to see what happens this afternoon.”
For some reason, I was afraid.
We choose a great spot for a picnic in a small clearing near the waterfall. The walk there wasn’t too bad, only took us about half an hour. Will was in particularly high spirits and I got the feeling he hadn’t been away from the city and around nature in a while. Anna seemed to be the same, but I could tell she was forcing it a little.
Sherry took the backpack from Will and fluffed out one of the large towels to put everything down on. Lunch today was some simple sandwiches and a thermos of lemonade that Sherry had made earlier.
“Thanks for taking us out here,” Will said taking a seat.
Sherry smiled and poured everyone a cup of lemonade. “I haven’t been here in a few years actually. I forgot how nice it could be.”
I took a seat next to Anna and all of us ate listening to
Sherry tell a few stories about
“Under the water fall is actually a really good spot to go skinny dipping,” Sherry laughed. “We did in high school all the time.”
“Have to try that some time,” Will joked.
This time Sherry blushed. “Well, um yes you will.”
I would had said something in protest if it weren’t for the fact that the sandwich I’d eaten was wanting to move into my lower regions but apparently needed breakfast and last nights dinner out of my body first. I squirmed a little uncomfortably on the towel.
Anna made a sly smile at me. “I know that look, remember what I said?” she whispered.
I whimpered and pleaded with my eyes to her. She folded her arms and shook her head no.
While Will and Sherry talked, I tried very discreetly to move from sitting cross legged, to sitting on my knees. I don’t know if I could (I don’t even want to say it in my mind… we’ll just say ‘used’) I don’t known if I could have ‘used’ my diaper with my butt firmly on the ground, but in this position…
Oh noooo… I needed to go a lot more then I thought, no sooner had I rested on my knees then I could feel something demanding release. I didn’t even have to push… just suddenly the back of my diaper was filling up. The urge to pee hit me at the same time and I just went in both ways rather then fight it.
Anna gave me a soldierly pat on my shoulder. “Good girl,” she giggled.
I frowned and tried not to sit any lower, feeling rather embarrassed and dirty.
As my mind came back to reality and off of my own turmoil, I realized that Will was talking about some outdoor experiences when he was in Boy Scouts as a kid. Sherry was listening in rapt attention, laughing every now and then, and neither of them seemed any the wiser of what had just happened.
After a few minutes you couldn’t deny the smell though.
“Did one of you have another accident?” Sherry asked a little concerned.
I looked at Anna nervously, she just winked again.
Will stood up and put his hands on his hips. “Well girls? No one going to claim responsibility?”
“You just changed Anna like an hour ago, unless she’s been sick, I don’t think it’s her,” Sherry said looking at me. I blushed and quickly looked away.
“Have you been feeling alright Anna?” Will asked looking at her.
“Do you need a change again?”
Anna just shrugged cutely and Will rolled his eyes. Sherry looked at both of them a little confused. Will walked up behind Anna… and to my complete astonishment he pulled out the back of her skirt and diaper and checked her like she was two. Not saying anything, but smiling, he came over to me next. I was too stunned to move but gasped a little as suddenly I felt the back of my shorts tugged at.
“Guilty party,” Will said patting my head.
“Here you go,” Will smiled, picking up Anna’s bag and handing it to Sherry.
Sherry looked at the bag, and then at me. “Umm okay… but it’s a little to far back to the car, mind just laying down?”
“Do you want to walk all the way back with a diaper like that?”
“Well, no, but…”
Anna hit me on the shoulder and made eyes at the towel, offering a shooing motion with her hands. I groaned, but lay down.
Will got up and walked a few feet away to look at the waterfall, probably to give me some privacy, but to be honest I was kind of over it, having been changed in front of him and even by him before.
Sherry was getting out a clean diaper and as I laid there I couldn’t help feeling really silly. How was this going to change my situation? I looked around to find Anna sitting on the other side of the blanket. She made a motion with her thumb and her mouth and pointed to me. I sighed, but did what she suggested and began to suck my thumb.
“I know you’re up to something,” Sherry laughed as she sat down next to me. “I have to admit, you look pretty cute right now like that… even if you smell pretty bad.”
I blushed. “Sorry,” I mumbled around my thumb.
“Well I didn’t change a messy diaper yesterday, so I figured you either snuck off to the bathroom or were suffering constipation,” Sherry giggled. “If the problem hadn’t taken care of it self by lunch today I figured I’d help you again at dinner. Looks like everything worked out though.”
I frowned, but held in any comments and continued to suck my thumb.
Sherry changed me. It was different from my accident the other day, I didn’t get to take a shower, so this change took a while, and Sherry made a few comments that I was actually glad Will was over by the waterfall and couldn’t hear. Anna held her nose and made faces at me the whole time.
“There we go,” Sherry said as she finished taping me up. She helped me slide my shorts back on and gave my bottom a pat. “All better?”
“All right, up you go,” Sherry said taking my free hand and pulling me into a sitting position. She set the bag down and stood up to go find Will.
“You’re clear to take your thumb out of your mouth now,” Anna said as she poked me in the shoulder.
I quickly pulled it out. “All I feel is more embarrassed. I still don’t understand what we’re doing.”
“You’ll understand soon enough.”
Without packing up lunch, the four of us went down to the waterfall. The water formed a little lagoon that fed a creek. After taking off our shoes, we could hop from rock to rock and stand underneath the falls without getting more then a cold spray of mist from the falls on us. Will picked up Anna and carried her piggy back over to the falls with us.
We played for a little while, putting our hands out to catch falling water and exploring some of the rock wall behind the falls. We weren’t the first ones to check it out as evidenced by years and years of wall carvings. Most were just names and hearts and so and so was here. Sherry had a small digital camera and set it on a timer so we could get a picture together.
Before getting too wet, we walked back to the picnic spot
and packed up to head back home. All in all I actually had a fun time and for
the first time since I’d left
On our way back to the car, Sherry had the picnic sack and Will was carrying the Anna’s bag. Sherry was talking to him about something I couldn’t hear, but after a while he excused himself and walked back to Anna offering to carry her again as she looked to be limping a little more then usual.
“I can walk dad,” Anna smiled giving him a push away. She
took her bag from his shoulder to prove her point and kept walking. “I bet
Will smiled. “All right.”
“I’m fine,” I said not thinking what they were talking about. Will came up to me and took a knee. I stopped walking and froze in place suddenly realizing what he wanted. Anna smiled and winked.
Sherry looked on with that same hint of a frown she’d had at breakfast, but I didn’t say anything as I practically launched myself at Will’s back. He laughed good naturedly and took my legs as I hugged my arms around him. He got off his knee and I was riding on his back as we continued down the trail.
“She’s not too heavy?” Sherry asked as Will walked by.
I stuck my tongue out at her. Will was a strong man, he didn’t seem to be bothered by my weight in the slightest. At 16, I weighed a modest 105lbs and usually teetered around five more up or down. Anna was probably much the same. Sherry sighed and followed behind us.
Most of the walk back I just pressed myself to Will’s back, feeling like I was flying more then being carried. Anna offered a thumbs up to me at one point and I just offered her a blissful smile.
I’d like to think that if a perfect moment ever comes your way, time seems to slow down. I vaguely had a memory of my dad doing this for me when I was much younger. …and oddly enough, a few more memories of my childhood seemed to glimmer in my mind. I didn’t really sort through them, but they were like warm embers in a place that had been cold for a while.
When we finally got back to the car, Will put me down and made a face like he was Atlus taking the world off his shoulders. I playfully frowned and punched him in the shoulder. He laughed and went over to Anna to take the bag from her.
“I know a really good place to get some home made ice cream,” Sherry offered as she put the picnic bag in the car.
“Sounds great!” I said, surprising myself at the way I said it. Everyone agreed it was a good idea though.
Anna nudged me as we got into the car. “Enjoy yourself?”
I blushed but nodded.
Settling in, I got my seatbelt on and happily relived the walk back to the car. As I sat there, I noticed that Will and Sherry weren’t in the car yet. They were just behind the trunk and I could hear them talking about something.
I tried to roll down the window, but it was automatic and the car hadn’t been started yet. I pressed my ear to the window and I could vaguely hear them.
“Really?” Sherry asked looking surprised. “You’re sure it’s what they want?”
Will smiled and nodded. “I’m sure of it.”
I couldn't help but feel like I was stuck in yet another trap... but, if I had to choose, I think I liked this trap the best.
“You've got ice cream all over your face,” Will laughed as he took a napkin and dabbed it on me. I'm not usually a messy eater, but Anna purposefully bumped the bottom of my ice cream cone up into my face and made a semi-circle of chocolate ice cream around my mouth. “You too Anna,” he laughed bringing another napkin to her. I can explain the mess on her face simply by saying; turnabout is fair play.
Sherry sat with the black bag and quietly ate her ice cream. She hadn't been smiling much since after lunch.
“Any thoughts on dinner? I could cook something up nice,” Sherry offered, trying to work herself in to the conversation.
“Hmm, any suggestions girls?” Will asked looking to the two of us.
Anna held up her cone. “More ice cream?”
“Ice cream is not dinner,” Sherry said. “Think something more meat and potatoes.”
“Can it just be steak and potatoes then?” I asked.
“Oo, I like that idea,” Will smiled.
“I can do that, we'll just need to stop by the grocer on the way home,” she smiled at Will.
The word grocer rolled around in my head. Maybe this sounds strange, but have you ever had something happen to you and suddenly you see things differently afterward? When I was riding on Will's back earlier, a memory from my childhood came to mind of doing the same thing with my dad. Now, as we sat around finishing our ice cream I couldn't help but remember something else.
“Did there used to be a small market next to this ice cream parlor? I think I remember eating ice cream with you here before... a long time ago.”
Sherry looked at me oddly for a second, but then a little spark seemed to hit. “I think your right,” she said. “You have a good memory that was probably back when you were in diapers.”
Anna giggled. “Couldn't have been that long ago then,” she said pulling the back of my shorts and diaper out to let it snap back.
I shrieked a little and to my embarrassment, everyone laughed, even Sherry, although I think she might have been trying to cover her momentary slip.
“That's a good idea,” Will said as he finished his ice cream. “Since we're on the subject of diapers, do you girls need a change?”
I shook my head no, but Will just ignored me and suddenly checked me the same way he had earlier. If I wasn't blushing before, I certainly was now. He went from me to Anna who just smiled as he smirked at her.
“Puddle princess strikes again,” he said tapping her once on the nose with a finger. “Will you be okay till we get home?”
Anna nodded. “I'll be fine Daddy. I bet
“We'll see,” Will laughed.
We went back to the car soon after. I tried to give Anna a poke to let her know that I appreciated what she was doing, BUT my embarrassment meter was running much higher then my comfort level liked... and I'd sooo be dry by the time we were home.
We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, Sherry picked out the produce while Anna and I went racing up and down the isles in a shopping cart. I don't know what came over me but Anna had Will sit her in a shopping cart and then I started pushing, and then pushing a little faster and suddenly we were both laughing and flying by Sherry like she was an RV in the slow lane.
When we got home Sherry started cooking. I helped by wrapping the potatoes in tin foil, and nearly dropped half of them as Sherry surprised me by checking my diaper. When Will checked me, he only checked the back. Sherry mixed me up by taking it a step further by checking through the leg of my shorts to see if I was wet. As I said earlier, I was dry and I stuck my tongue out at Anna while Will changed her on the floor. She just grinned and stuck her thumb in her mouth offering another wink.
Dinner was awesome. Will complimented Sherry's cooking so much that at one point she was redder then the merlot she'd brought out to enjoy with the meal. I asked for a sip but got a stern smile and a 'maybe when you're older' comment. She offered plenty to Will though, but he politely declined and had only a glass or two.
After dinner we all sat on the back porch and watched the sunset. Despite everything that had gone wrong lately, today had actually been a really good day. Will sat with Anna and she put her head in his lap. He played with her hair and I sat next to Sherry watching jealously. Sherry seemed to be staring the same way, but I noticed Will caught her eye and made a nod toward me. I looked to her to see what it was they were insinuating and no sooner had I done it then I felt her hand catch my shoulder and my upper body moving toward her lap. There was a few uncomfortable moments that just seemed to stretch on awkwardly as I laid my head down, but then she put her hand on mine and gave a gentle squeeze. I looked up at her, and for the first time since I'd seen her, I think she smiled genuinely at me. I smiled back and settled myself in a little more comfortable, watching the sun go down with everyone.
As the evening drew on, Will and Sherry got us both to take showers before going to bed. Sherry was the main instigator, wanting her alone time with Will, but neither of us put up any resistance. Anna gave me her little wink again before I went to the shower, and for a moment I was afraid I was going to get bathed by either Will or Sherry, but they let me go shower myself. After we were both clean, we were diapered on the floor of my room and dressed in our pajamas. Good nights were said and we were kissed on the forehead with lights out at somewhere around the early hour of 9pm.
As soon as the door was shut, I heard Anna get off the bed and ease herself onto the floor. A moment later she was poking me on the shoulder.
“You have fun today Ms. Sad Sack?”
I crossed my arms, but couldn't help smiling. “I did.”
“No more suicide thoughts?”
“I'm doing better. I still feel very trapped, but its not as bad being trapped as it was before.”
“Glad to hear it. Every thing is coming together, I think my original plan is about to come to fruition,” Anna smiled.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Bow chikka bow wow.”
I frowned and Anna only smiled more.
“I know... I'm not in love with him or anything.”
Anna dropped the smile and stared me down.
Anna kept staring me down.
“I'm not! He's just handsome.”
“And he's my dad and more then twice your age.”
I sighed. “I know... I just didn't want to see him end up with Sherry.”
Anna shrugged. “She's not too bad... I mean she can cook, she's not entirely stupid, she genuinely cares about my dad.”
“She cares enough to make me pretend I need diapers and have this whole big lie going.”
“Everything is a lie, there is no spoon
I frowned and sat for a second, but finally nodded. “Fine.” The curiosity, and feelings for Will were urging me on.
Anna and I snuck down the stairs, she was a little slower and made her movements very carefully, but I think we managed to be quiet as we perched halfway up the stairs with a view on the couch.
Sherry and Will were watching a movie together and although we couldn't see over the back of the couch, it looked like there wasn't anyone on 'the bases' just yet.
“Don't you think its a little weird?” Sherry asked Will. “I mean the two of them want to pretend to be toddlers.”
“Anna's done it before,” Will smiled. “I have to admit, I kind of like it. She lets her guard down, and puts away that anger she's had since the accident. I honestly haven't seen her this happy in months.”
Sherry looked lost in thought for a moment. “Well, I did see
Sherry sighed. “Right... bringing them together. No problem.”
Will put his strong around Sherry and pulled her into his shoulder. She let out a little squeel, but in a good way.
“And thank you for bringing us together,” he smiled.
The far off look on Sherry's face was instantly gone and replaced with an incredibly warm looking glow. “Are we going to kiss now?” she asked like she was suddenly a young high schooler.
“I hope so,” Will laughed.
Sherry wrapped her arms around Will's neck and quickly pressed her lips to his. Anna looked at me and offered a thumbs up. I tried to force a smile for them... but I couldn't.
“Sherry??” I asked in a semi-pleading, semi-sad voice. The two of them broke off their kiss and looked at us on the stairs. Sherry didn't exactly look happy to have me break the moment.
“I had an accident,” I said, quickly bringing down whatever pressure I could to make it true.
“Already?” Sherry asked frowning.
I nodded, Anna just looked at me with a grin and started walking back up the stairs.
“I'll handle it,” Will said getting up.
Sherry quickly pulled him back down. “No she's my sister, I'll take care of this.”
She started walking toward me and made a forceful pointing gesture for me to move up the stairs. I scooted my crinkling butt up as quickly as I could.
Sherry walked into our room with a chiseled look of annoyance. I was sitting cross legged on my sleeping bag and playing with my hands nervously.
“Sorry?” I managed to say. It wasn’t much to offer since we both knew that I’d purposefully ruined her moment.
Sherry shot me a look that said ‘oh you’re going to be sorry’ but then looked to Anna, who was smiling like a mischievous cat.
“It’s okay, you couldn’t help it, right?” Sherry said, adding emphasis on ‘right.’
I nodded meekly.
Sherry went to the closet and started getting a clean diaper and some wipes. Anna waved me down and began making the same motion with her thumb and mouth. I wasn’t entirely sure I was brave enough to push Sherry’s buttons twice. Downstairs I had the confidence of jealousy, but now… screw it. I laid down and stuck my thumb in my mouth and looked at my cousin with as much of a childish look as I could muster.
When Sherry turned around, she paused a second while looking at me. She forced a smile and came to kneel next to me, leaning in to whisper.
“You and I are going to have a little chat in the morning.”
I stayed quiet and focused on my thumb. Given the anger I could feel radiating from Sherry, I was thankful to have something in my mouth to get my mind off of her.
In a less then caring way, I was re-diapered. As Sherry got up she looked at Anna once more.
“Nah, I’m good,” Anna smiled as she took off her leg and lounged on the bed.
Sherry forced another smile, went to the door, made a dramatic show of turning out the lights, shut the door, and left us in the dark.
“Hahah classic,” Anna said from the bed. “You pissed in her cheerios good.”
“I didn’t mean too.”
“Sure you did, you saw them swapping saliva and decided not to let it slide.”
The image was bright in my mind. I blushed and buried my face in my pillow. In the light of the moon Anna could see my pained expression and hopped off the bed, shuffling her way toward me.
Anna gave me a pat on the back. “Awww sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes.”
I shook my head. “I made her really mad.”
“And she made you really sad, it’s an equal trade if you ask me.”
“But your dad?”
“Will be fine. Chances are Sherry will redouble her efforts tonight and…”
Anna stopped as she saw the look on my face.
“Haha no I mean, my dad will probably be asleep by the time she gets back downstairs and then um…”
I rolled over and pulled my sleeping bag up.
“Funny thing to hear from someone who’s been telling me to suck my thumb.”
Anna climbed back into her bed and quiet settled over the room. I laid awake again for a few hours, but thankfully, I didn’t hear anything going ‘bump’ in the night.
When morning finally rolled around, I came about a rude surprise. I was still tired since I hadn’t slept well the night before, and I figured Anna was too, but someone else wasn’t.
“Good morning!” said a cheerful southerner.
“It’s too early,” mumbled Anna.
“But I made you both breakfast!”
I blinked my eyes a few times and rolled over to see that Sherry was in the room carrying a tray with her. Nothing really seemed wrong at first, so I rolled over and tried to sleep some more.
“Ahh! Go away!”
I looked around to see Sherry now sitting on the bed next to Anna, tipping up a large glass of something orange.
For a moment I wasn’t really sure what I was watching. Anna was sitting up a little and begrudging Sherry as she drink out of a large glass. The tray was now resting in Sherry’s lap and I could see there was some fruit on it cut up into small pieces.
“Mmmm num num,” Sherry smiled as she started trying to put bits of banana into Anna’s mouth.
Anna waved her off fussily. “Not hungry, go bother your sister.”
“You’re awake!” Sherry looked at me with a smile. I quickly hid under the cover of my sleeping bag, but I could already hear her shift the tray and start walking toward me. “Sit up little sis,” Sherry said tapping the outside of my sleeping bag. I pulled it down a tiny bit too where I could see her face but still had the bag covering my nose down. “Think I’d forget about last night?” she grinned and said quietly. She held up another glass like she’d just given Anna. My eyes went a little wide in comprehension and I shook my head no.
“Nah not thirsty,” I stammered.
“Aww sure you are,” she said putting the tray down and sitting a little closer. She gently lifted my head and brought her knees in so that she was just about cradling me in her lap. She held up the cup once more. “Drink up,” she said cheerfully, carefully masking something else in her voice.
Being held like a child, I blushed, and even worse, figuring what was probably in the juice, I gulped loudly but allowed her to put the glass to my lips.
“There you go honey, drink it all down.”
It kind of tasted like orange juice, but I could taste something a little more syrupy behind it. No sooner was I finished drinking the glass then Sherry sat me up a little straighter and started bringing bits of fruit on a fork. I whimpered a little, but stayed in her lap as she fed me breakfast.
“Stop being such a baby, its just bananas, strawberries and some apple slices.”
“That wasn’t orange juice,” I mumbled between bites.
Sherry smiled. “Aren’t we the smart one.” After she’d finished feeding me the little plate she gave my back a rub. “Don’t worry, your sister’s here. I’ll take good care of you.”
Anna was sitting up and yawning now, looking like she still didn’t quite understand what was going on. Sherry got up and gave her a hug, which caused her to wake up a little more and look surprised.
“Don’t worry, if you girls want to be a little younger,” she smiled letting go of Anna. “I’ll do whatever I can to be a good mommy to you.”
Sherry took the tray and left.
Anna started to rub at her head. “What the hell was that?”
I sat up a little, contemplating if I should go to the bathroom and force myself to throw up whatever I’d just drank. “That wasn’t orange juice,” I said when Anna caught me rubbing my stomach just above my diaper.
“Huh? What was it then?” Anna asked looking confused. I simply kept rubbing at my tummy. Maybe I was just focusing too hard, but I swear I could feel it bubble a little. Anna’s eyes grew wide as she began to understand. “Noooo, she wouldn’t?”
I simply nodded my head. “She’s done it to me before.”
Anna frowned. “Krafty… so she’s showing her cards now. Hmmm…” Anna crossed her arms and looked deep in thought for a moment. “I could go to my dad, put on the waterworks… but then again we spent all yesterday convincing him this is what we want… and all she did was bring us breakfast.” Anna frowned. “Damn it, she’s going to make this hard isn’t she?”
I started to cry.
I sat there, not sure what to say because apparently Anna knew what I was going to say before I did.
“I think I’ve got an idea,” Anna said finally, putting her fist in her palm. “She’s going to push everything right back at us, so we’re going to have to push all of that right back at her.”
Still crying, I sat up. “I… I don’t understand.”
“You never do at first. Just keep crying, I’m going to get my dad.”
Anna didn’t bother with her leg and got up off the bed, steadying herself on the bedpost before hopping out of the room. I tried to dry my eyes and sat quietly waiting to see what new development would turn up now.
Anna appeared a moment later in Will’s arms. “You’re not
going to let me sleep in at all are you?” he asked carrying her back to her
bed. He noticed me and I think he could tell I’d been crying. “Everything okay
I wanted to smile for him because he was so nice, but all I could do was shake my head sadly.
Anna sighed, “Dad can you lock the door?”
Will looked at her curiously but didn’t ask any questions as he left her bed and went to shut and lock the hall door.
“All right, what’s up Anna? Am I about to find out why you and Madison are playing the toddler game?”
Anna nodded and took in a deep breath. “Sherry and Madison
are not really sisters, they’re cousins.
“….What? Anna, are you serious?”
“Yup. Oh, and
“ANNA!” I shouted, quickly grabbing and throwing my pillow at her.
“Only more incriminating!” she said catching it.
“Is all of this true
I started crying again. Worse then that, in my sudden horrible guilt, I could feel my morning pee happening on its own accord. I hugged my knees, buried my head between my arms and putting my back to them.
Anna sighed again. “Dad, whatever you’re thinking don’t be
mad at her.
“I think I was wrong to bring you here Anna,” Will said. “I’d heard plenty of warnings about trusting strangers on the internet, but I was sure that the odds of finding the perfect friend for my daughter were slim to nill.”
“Woah! Dad cut it out, it’s not
like I’m the friendless wonder. I actually really like
Will looked a bit confused now. “Why keep all of this to yourselves until now?”
Anna smiled. “I didn’t really see the harm before.
“Anna I don’t want you talking about me that way. What you’re basically saying is that you were in control till this morning, and now your not.”
Anna shut up for a moment. From my point of view, that was pretty much exactly it.
“Are… are you mad?” Anna said suddenly realizing she might actually be in over her head.
“Yes,” Will said taking a seat next to her on the bed. “I wouldn’t be as mad if it wasn’t the first time you’d pulled something like this. The moment you started calling me ‘daddy’ and acting all innocent again I knew something was amiss.”
“This… isn’t the first time?” I asked trying to stop crying and looking up from my knees.
“No, I tried dating someone else about a year ago and Anna decided to make herself much more demanding to drive her off. I’ve always liked caring for Anna in this way, and I thought this time would be different since Sherry would understand having someone else who wanted the same thing.”
“This time was going to be different,” Anna smiled, “I didn’t mind Sherry that much since I realized you really needed to get laid….”
“Young lady, will you stop talking about my sex life?”
“You don’t have one dad. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Do you want me to take you to the car and drive you back home right now?”
Will sat down and wrested his elbows on his knees, rubbing at his face with his hands. “It’s always something.”
Anna didn’t seem to have the confidence she had a minute ago.
“I’m sorry…” I said breaking the silence. Both Will and Anna looked at me. “I didn’t really want to go along with any of this,” I added, drying my eyes. “…but I did… and I am… and… I don’t really have anything else to do or a place to be.”
“See why I couldn’t get mad at her?” Anna asked looking from me to her dad.
Will sighed. “Anna, why do you have to be such a crazy girl?”
“Blame mom… and speaking of, she’d totally forgive you if you just hook up with Sherry. You know you want too, you’ve had like a four year dry spell, we both saw you sucking face last night.”
Will frowned. “I’m guessing the only reason you agreed to this trip was to make sure I got in some girl’s bed hmm?”
Anna nodded. “Admit it, you like her dad.”
Will shrugged sheepishly. “All right, Sherry is very nice and I like her. I don’t know what to make of everything after this mess you and Madison laid before me though.”
“Just play along dad, I’ve got a plan,” Anna smiled.
“NO!” I yelled. Both of them looked at me surprised. “No more plans,” I said sobbing. “I’ve had enough.”
Anna blinked but then looked to her dad. “Okay, remember how I first started this toddler game? How upset at the world I was? That’s her right now.”
“No! I’m not!” I said crying again.
Anna hit her dad on the shoulder, pointing at me. “See?”
Will looked from her to me, and then back again. “I think I understand Anna.”
“I think its just what she needs.”
I looked at them confused; something had just taken place completely beyond my reasoning. “I just want it all to stop,” I said curling up in a ball again.
As I cried, I felt two strong arms wrap around me. I quickly picked my head up and found Will hugging me from behind. “I’m sorry about all this,” he said. “Don’t worry, your dad will take care of everything.”
“I… I….” my dad...? “I just don’t want…” I did want… I wanted something so bad and I had no idea what it was… my breath caught in my throat and without controlling my body, I turned around and threw my arms around him, crying into his shoulder.
“It’s okay, just let it out,” he said patting my back.
I wanted everything to end… but I decided I didn’t want Will and Anna to leave. There was something I needed in that release as I hugged Will and cried my heart out. …he actually cared about my feelings.
“Aww and it looks like you need a change too,” he said shaking his head playfully. I didn’t say anything, I just nodded with tear filled eyes.
“Me too daddy!” Anna called from the bed smiling.
Our morning had been nothing if not interesting. Some sort of plan was formed… again. It involved me and I didn’t want to be a part of it… again. Actually, that last part is not true. Now that we weren’t lying to Will, and someone was actually looking out for me, I kind of wanted to be a part of it.
The other day when he’d carried me on his back, and wiped ice cream off my face, and… I don’t know… something was stirring… something I’d forgotten about.
“You’ll never guess what I found in the attic,” Sherry said with a smile as she came down the stairs with a box.
Anna and I were seated in front of the TV. It was already the middle of the afternoon. Will was on the couch behind us.
“What did you find?” Will asked looking over the back of the couch.
“A few family heirlooms, some of them even used to be mine at one point,” she held up a bib and baby bottle from the box. “Isn’t this adorable?”
Anna winked at me, but I rolled my eyes. I bet I knew who’d be wearing that soon.
Will got up and went to the dinning room with Sherry to help her sort through the box. Since this morning, he’d been very cordial with her, but hadn’t really had a moment alone to talk to her.
Anna was content to sit on the floor with her back to the couch watching TV. I was doing the same for the most part, but I wasn’t sitting as relaxed, I could feel my lower guts churning thanks to whatever juice I’d drank.
“Don’t fight it,” Anna said, seeming to sense my thoughts.
“It doesn’t feel particularly good,” I said breathing a little uneasy and trying to sit comfortably.
“Well, I’d say it’s safe to assume we don’t HAVE to use the diapers for everything. I’m feeling a little queasy too so I think I might sneak off to the bathroom for this one,” Anna said pushing herself up.
No sooner was her padded butt off the ground then she passed a little gas. She quickly sat herself back down flinching.
“Oh this isn’t going to go as well as I’d hoped,” Anna said frowning.
“Don’t fight it,” I said flatly.
“You want me to tickle you or something?”
I quickly inched myself away from her. “No… just let me suffer in peace.”
Will came walking back into the room. “Haha you’re going to love this Anna,” Will said with a smile. He excitedly took Anna’s hand and started pulling her up.
“No dad, leave me alone for a moment,” she said trying to wrest her hand free.
“You have to see what else is in this box, we found photo albums!”
Anna was helped up onto her feet, she quickly put her free hand on her rear while blushing.
“I don’t think I want to see them,” I said as he took my hand and helped me up. I could feel unwelcome pressure building as I stood.
Will practically dragged us out of the room. Anna was whimpering as she walked along with us. I don’t think her dad noticed it, but I could hear her quietly start to have an accident just as we came into the dinning room.
“I’ll get her for this,” she mumbled.
Sherry had laid out a bunch of items from the box. There were peach colored baby bottles, a few bibs and bonnets, some type of circular weaving with a stork on it, and the photo albums that Will spoke of.
“It’s us,” Sherry said with a smile as she put one of the books on the table in front of me. “Cute sisters huh?” she said for Will and Anna’s benefit. Sure enough, there was an old picture of the farm when it had animals and livestock. The two of us were seated on a horse. Sherry was smiling from ear to ear, and I was crying and holding onto her midsection like the horse was about buck.
“Awwww…” Will said looking at it.
I blushed a little bit. It was a cute photo, and I did have a vague memory of it. My mom had been good with horses and had hoped I’d follow behind her.
Sherry turned a few more pages, telling stories about each of the photos, and adjusting a few to have us seem like siblings. Anna and Will knew better at this point, but didn't say anything. Anna in particular was too busy looking embarrassed and upset at the same time.
After about five or six pages, Sherry came to one photo that stopped me cold. It was a picture of Christmas. When grandma was still alive, my family used to make an effort to gather together. Most of us lived in the tri-state area and no one had a problem with the drive. Seated in the picture were half a dozen members of my family with gifts and smiles and festive looking sweaters… and right in the middle of them were me, my mom and my dad. They were leaning in to kiss me on both sides of my cheeks, and I had the bow from a present in my hair.
“You were an adorable little girl,” Sherry said smiling even more. “Look at mom and dad.”
A raw emotion boiled up and out of me ten times stronger then what had gripped me when I’d seen Sherry and Will kissing. I swept my arm across the table, brushing a few bottles and the book straight onto the floor. Apparently one of the bottles was glass and it shattered with a noise just as loud as the book falling on its spine.
I could barely see straight with the tears suddenly fighting their way out… and in a poetic moment of universal unfairness, my body choose that moment to join Anna in filling my diaper.
I just stood there crying, probably looking like a big two-year-old. I didn’t say anything to her; she didn’t understand, not even a tiny bit.
I felt Anna hug me. “It’s okay,” she said bumping foreheads. I looked at her and then down at the book on the floor, she nodded. “I think your little sister really needs a change,” Anna said to Sherry.
Sherry’s face took on a look of mock surprise, but just like yesterday, she came and checked my diaper. “Was pooping your diaper really something to get that upset over?”
I stayed quiet. I didn’t care I’d just pooped in a diaper, I cared that I’d just seen something I’d lost.
“Let me clean up the glass first, then I’ll change you,” Sherry said walking toward the kitchen. After she was gone, I was tempted to destroy everything else on the table. I was seriously about to do just that when Will stepped up beside me.
“Let’s get you changed,” Will said warmly, taking my hand. I looked up at him surprised, but offered no resistance as he led me out of the dinning room and upstairs to the bedroom. “I’m guessing you need a change too Anna?” he smiled as she followed us.
“Yes daddy,” Anna nodded.
I didn’t need couching this time. I lied down on my sleeping bag and put my thumb in my mouth. I don’t know what had come over me seeing that photo. A wash of emotions went through my mind, I was still sobbing a little, I could barely think straight.
Will gave my cheek a pat. “You with me Madison?”
My eyes focused and I looked up at him, nodding weakly. I was starting to understand what Anna meant by shutting down… the thumb helped me just push everything into white noise.
“Where did everyone go?” Sherry asked coming up the stairs. She found her way into my room and looked on a little questioningly as I laid there with Anna sitting next to me, and Will changing my diaper. “I could have done that,” Sherry said, frowning at my apparent lack of caring over my semi-nakedness.
“She really wanted to get changed out of her dirty diaper,” Will said as he finished taping me up. I nodded enthusiastically around my thumb. I wanted a lot of things to change.
The smell wasn’t pleasant between Anna and I, but Will was doing a good job of not showing it bothered him. He helped me sit up. “Thank you,” I mumbled.
As Sherry watched us, I could tell there was a quiet struggle going on with her … I don’t know if she was struggling against me, or against Anna and Will; but I could tell she was starting to regret having me around. Will was focusing more of his time on Anna and I, then her. Although I thought everything to do with diapers was perverse, I was starting to get over the inherent intimacy that having your diaper changed imposed. I was happy that someone cared enough to do it for me; even more so that that someone was Will. Sherry was not.
After Will changed Anna, we went back downstairs and sat in front of the TV again. Today proved to be a very lazy day. After yesterday’s outdoor activities, it was nice to just stay inside. The only drawback was that while we were inside, Sherry was making an obvious attempt to have us feel more uncomfortable about what we were doing by introducing more infantile objects to the mix. She was even checking our diapers every thirty minutes or so, and had Will jokingly do it a couple of times. She made sure she was the one to change me when I wet in the afternoon.
When it was dinner time, Sherry was all too happy to have Anna and I wear bibs that were way too small for us. I protested a little at first, but Will laughed and commented about how cute we looked and I stopped after that.
“Country fried steak and steamed green beans,” Sherry said as she put a plate down in front of Anna and I. She was trying to drive her message home and had cut up everything on the plate into very small pieces. She set down two glasses in front of us, and took a seat next to Anna.
“You’re a great cook,” Will said as he chowed down. For all his nice qualities, when good food was in front of him, he showed his boyish side and ate quickly and excitedly. Sherry loved it, and reveled in any compliments.
Anna gave a poke at her food. She held a recently liberated plastic children’s fork from the attic box. Dinner was actually quite good, but even Anna thought that the bibs, tiny kids utensils and now constant diaper checks were getting to be a bit much.
“Too bad she forgot the sippy cups,” Anna winked at me.
I looked at her confused, until I saw a purposeful elbow hit the glass in front of her. After this morning, Anna wasn’t drinking anything she didn’t personally see prepared herself, so the glass would have likely gone on the floor anyway, but given that Sherry happened to be sitting next to her, it went in her lap instead.
“Ahhh!” Sherry said looking at the red liquid in her lap. She was wearing some simple jeans and it made them look purple. “You did that on purpose!”
“Anna!” Will admonished.
“She purpled in her pants daddy,” Anna smiled.
I did my best to suppress a giggle.
“Anna that’s not funny,” Will said. I couldn’t tell if he was being serious, but it seemed like he was. He got up and walked over to her and took her plate and glass away. “I think that’s about enough dinner for you.”
“Awww dad, it was just a joke.”
“Go into the living room and sit on the couch. We’ll talk in a minute.”
Anna frowned, but got up and limped into the living room.
“Sorry about that,” Will said to Sherry, getting some paper towels to put on the floor.
Sherry looked angry, but seemed to be shouldering it well since Will was taking her side. “It’s all right,” she said. “I guess she’s mad about the bibs and toddler stuff, but I thought you said that’s what they wanted.”
Will smiled. “I think it is,” he said giving my shoulder a pat. I just kept quiet and continued eating small bites. “Why don’t you go upstairs and change,” Will offered to Sherry. “I’ll clean up here.”
Sherry nodded. “I think I might get a shower,” she said. “Hopefully this doesn’t stain.”
It didn’t take Will long to clean up and by the time he was done, I was done. We left the rest of the meal on the table and I followed him into the living room to find Anna sitting on the couch and looking extremely satisfied with herself.
“Anna, you’re a guest in someone’s house.”
Anna rolled her eyes. “Dad, you know…”
Will waved her off. “You’re a guest. Be polite, I raised you better then that.”
Anna sighed, “Fine,” she got off the couch and sat on the floor, back in front of the TV where she’d been earlier. I came and took a seat next to her.
“I said I’d get her,” Anna smiled as I sat down. She offered a fist and I bumped knuckles with her, smiling wryly.
“I think I’ve got an idea,” Will said leaving the two of us. I looked at Anna who just shrugged.
We watched TV for a few minutes. Will had apparently gone to the kitchen and came back with two baby bottles. Anna smiled and nodded my way. I raised an eyebrow curiously at them. Will sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him.
“Oh no, I couldn't...”
I could feel Anna's hands on my back, shoving me toward the couch. “You can and you will.”
“No buts,” Anna said with a giggle.
With her still shoving, I tentatively got on the couch.
“This is kind of weird,” I said feeling really awkward.
I blushed seven shades of red before laying my head on his knee and accepting a bottle of juice. It felt kind of wrong, kind of like I was doing something a teen shouldn’t be doing… but at the same time… I think I was glowing.
My eyes half shut in peaceful bliss, I gave up everything to the feeling of him holding me gently and feeding me a bottle. He was doing nothing else, but focusing on me and my needs.
“I’m pretty sure it’s going to stain,” Sherry said as she came down the stairs, still running a comb through her wet hair. She stopped as she saw Will and me. “Umm… what are you doing?”
“Feeding the little girls a bottle,” he smiled. “Why don’t you do the same for Anna?”
Sherry and Anna looked appalled at the idea. Sherry looked from us to her and stopped combing her hair. “Okay,” she said after a moment of contemplation. “I’ll go fix her a bottle all right…” she said smiling.
“No need,” Will said serenely. “I have another one over here.”
“Dad, do I have too?” Anna asked from the floor.
“You’re a guest Anna,” Will responded.
Sherry looked a little unsure about this, but she took a seat on the other side of the couch and found the second bottle that Will had made. Anna sat in front of her, unmoving on the floor.
“Not thirsty?” Sherry asked crossly. “It’s not like you finished your drink at dinner.”
“Anna?” Will asked in a slightly stern voice.
Reluctantly she got off the floor and sat down on the couch. She did everything as mechanically as possible, plopping her head in Sherry’s lap, still facing away from her so that she was looking at the TV and not at Sherry.
“This is different,” Sherry said. “I don’t understand why anyone would want this,” she added holding the bottle for Anna.
“I think it’s actually a way to get closer to someone,” Will
said smiling at her. “Show them you care, show them you’re willing to tend to
their needs,” he winked down at me. “Isn’t that right, little
I couldn’t help but blush. “Yes…. daddy,” I said the last part almost in a whisper.
Sherry looked bewildered. “What did
Will just smiled. “I don’t mind if she pretends.” he said. “As far as I’m concerned, Anna and Madison can be sisters… and you and I can be their parents.”
Sherry blinked in confusion. She looked a bit uncomfortable to be feeding Anna the way she was.
“I’m the dad, and you’re the mom.”
“Mom and dad share the same bed,” he added.
“I think I can deal with that part.”
Sherry wasn't fully on board with all that was happening. After dinner we sat around watching a movie together, and even though all of us could tell how uncomfortable she was… toward the end of the film, and with a little encouragement from Will, she didn’t mind having me leaning into her shoulder sucking my thumb.
As bedtime drew near, Will got Anna and I ready for bed, and Sherry helped out; but Will had to instruct her on just how to play the part of a caring mother. She definitely seemed to be more interested in just getting us both to bed, and less on playing this ‘game.’
When we'd been changed, dressed in pajamas, and tucked in; Will gave us both a kiss on the forehead and looked at Sherry expecting her to do the same. She did so with a little reluctance. She had to be quick about it because Anna almost licked her cheek when she got too close.
“Good night girls,” Will said standing by the door. “Your mother and I will be down the hall if you need anything,” he added with a slight laugh. He hooked an arm around Sherry’s waist and she blushed a little but shyly smiled at him. “Right honey?”
“Rrrr right,” she said blushing.
“Good night dad,” Anna said.
“Night,” I added in a less then polite voice. I didn't really have any illusions as to what they'd be up to... especially if Sherry had her way. It still bothered me some, but Anna didn't seem to care, she was even happy for her dad.
Will turned out the light and left, but Sherry stayed behind a second longer.
“Girls… This is all kind of weird, but strangely… it’s also kind of cute.” she said at last. She came up and kneeled next to me. “Sorry for how I acted this morning,” she leaned in to whisper. “We’re almost done.”
“Apology not accepted,” I frowned and said loud enough for Anna to hear.
“Aww come on Madison, your sister’s trying to say she’s sorry,” Anna laughed, adding emphasis on sister. Sherry didn’t pick up on it.
“And I want to apologize to you too,” she said to Anna. “Sorry about the bibs and baby things.”
“Sorry I put a drink in your lap,” Anna replied.
Sherry nodded and got up. She turned and looked at me, offering a smile and mouthing ‘wish me luck’ before she left.
“She just tried to offer one simple apology for a week’s worth of wrong,” Anna laughed. “I think she was being honest about being sorry though, so maybe she’s not all bad.”
“How can you say that?” I asked sitting up and looking stunned. “You know what she’s been doing!”
“I know, I’m just saying she’s not completely evil.”
“Unlike you,” I said looking up at Anna.
She just smiled. “She’s really trying to make my dad happy.”
I frowned. “Yah, I guess she’ll get what she wanted all along. Everyone’s happy,” I said twirling my finger above my head.
Anna shrugged. “My plans are full proof. What did you expect?”
“I definitely didn’t expect THIS when I came to stay here,” I said patting at my diaper under the sleeping bag. “I need to make my own damn plan.”
Anna laughed. “Haha, you do that. I didn’t expect to enjoy my time here either, but I think crazy people like you and her help.”
“Not me, but you… you and her, and to an extent, even your dad… you are all crazy.”
“A-men to that.”
We laughed a little, and settled in to bed. I don’t know if I was really okay with every thing, but at least I didn’t hurt as much as I thought I would.
“You know, I kind of like the idea of having a sister,” Anna said as she got under the covers.
I rolled that thought around in my head for a little while. I looked at her and smiled. “I think I do too.”
It’s weird. Despite the jealousy and curiosity I had for what might be happening down the hall… I was also kind of happy at the turn of events. I could really get used to the idea of loving sister and father.
The confusion of feelings and emotions kept me up most of the night again. While I stayed up thinking about it, I did get something accomplished.
I came up with a plan of my own.
Friday morning came and Sherry practically bounced into the room. She checked my diaper while I was still too tired to move. I didn’t need to pee last night, so I was actually dry. Anna wasn’t though, and for the first time, Sherry changed her. Anna was too tired to care or protest.
She looked at me a little upset that I’d drop the pretense, but she nodded. “Mom’s in a good mood,” she said smiling broadly.
I frowned, but got up and went downstairs to breakfast. Sherry followed with a sleepy Anna behind her. Will was already working at the stove when we came into the kitchen.
“Morning girls,” he said with a warm smile.
Everyone said good morning, and Sherry bragged that she’d changed Anna for Will, but I didn’t really pay much attention. I was anxiously thinking about how I’d execute what I’d thought up the night before. When everyone was eating breakfast together, I figure it was as good a time as any to just get it out.
“I want to leave with them,” I said.
Sherry looked at me confused. “What do you mean?”
“I want to go with Will and Anna when they leave.”
Sherry dropped her fork. “
“Can we adopt her daddy?” Anna said suddenly hugging his arm. “I’ve always wanted a baby sister!” she added with a wink my way.
I rolled my eyes but held my glare at Sherry.
“I don’t mind if Sherry allows it,” Will smiled.
Sherry was stunned. “What? But… but you hardly know each other?”
“No Sherry, you hardly know me,” I said hotly. “I've found out more about myself from them in just a week then I have on my own in a year.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I told Anna everything three days ago before we started playing toddler, and she told her dad two days after. The only one who didn’t know what was actually going on… but thought she did… was you.”
“You… told them?”
I nodded. “Everything.”
Sherry gasped. “You... you knew?” she asked looking at Will.
Will shrugged sheepishly. “To be honest I was a little flattered about the lengths you'd go to try and impress me.”
Sherry blushed, “I really liked you.”
“Yup, so much you'd extort your little cousin,” I said. “But, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have found a sister and a dad,” I added putting an arm around Anna. She smiled her mischievous grin.
“So this is the plan you came up with?” Anna asked.
I offered a single stern nod.
Sherry looked confused. “But... I wanted a boyfriend. It wasn’t so bad was it? Do you think I like living on the farm alone?”
“You certainly didn’t roll out the welcome wagon for me,” I said folding my arms. “Dad cared a lot more for me then you did.”
Sherry frowned at my use of ‘dad’. “He’s not your father Madison.”
“You know what? It doesn't matter,” I said. “So what if Will's not my father and Anna's not my sister? Reality is as true as you want it to be… You wanted me to be your disabled little sister, and I was… you didn’t realize it, but I had a lot more wrong with me then what I was ‘pretending’. Anna asked me to pretend something too, and…” I said patting at my diaper. “I enjoyed it, it felt right to suddenly be a part of a family again.”
Sherry was stunned. “But... your mom asked me too...”
“You were going to give me five grand to start a new life any way. Keep it, just forget about me and we'll call it even.”
“But but…” she turned to Will. He was her whole reason for this. “Didn't you feel anything?” Sherry asked suddenly looking a little beaten. “Everything I did was for you.”
In a screwy way, that was true enough.
“I like you Sherry,” he smiled. “I like you a lot… but treating someone else this way, it’s kind of hard to over look.”
Sherry looked like she’d just been punched. “But last night?”
She put a hand to her forehead to steady herself. “But…
you’re all going to leave? Couldn’t… couldn’t you stay? I mean, I could
practice being a mommy for
Anna shook her head sadly. “Wow, listen to you.”
“You’ve got a lot to learn about caring for someone.” Will said.
“Teach me! I promise to try and be a better mother.. er sister.. cousin…… person?”
Anna quickly tugged at her dad's sleeve and had him lean down so she could whisper in his ear. Will sighed when he heard what she had to say.
“Do it dad, it's only fair!” Anna said with a big grin.
“Anna that's a little much...”
Anna looked at him, frowned and then pointed at me. “Fair game.”
Will rolled his eyes but stood up. “Okay, there's one thing you can do to earn a little forgiveness,” Will said to Sherry.
Will walked up to her and took her into a hug in his arms. She was caught off guard for a moment, but at the same time she suddenly looked wonderfully relieved that he’d hug her even after this exposition.
He whispered in her ear and her eyes went wide. She pushed herself away from him. “You... you can't be serious!”
“Why not?” he smiled. “I rather enjoy it.”
Anna smiled “My plans are perfect.”
Sherry blushed and stood there awkwardly before us. “I don’t know if I…”
“Then we’re leaving,” Will said sternly.
“Me too!” I tacked on... even though I had no idea what was at stake.
Anna linked her arm with mine. “Will the real sisters please stand up?” she said with a laugh.
"What the heck did you tell your dad?" I asked her.
"Just wait and see," she winked.
“Did you get enough to eat?”
“Yes daddy!” Anna and I said in unison. The two of us were sitting on the back porch watching the sunset. Today had been awesome.
“Where’s mommy?” Anna asked in a sing song voice.
“Coming…” Sherry said gruffly. She stepped out onto the porch and handed Anna and I a popsicle. She walked straight to the porch swing and sat down on it heavily.
“Thank you mommyyy,” Anna said sweetly. I couldn’t help but smile a little at the face Sherry made.
Will had cooked on the grill for us tonight, and he was just about done cleaning up as we started on our popsicles.
“…So your going to stay a while?” Sherry asked, looking very hopeful.
Will smiled, “Maybe,” he said as he kissed her cheek and went inside the house. Sherry blushed and sat with her hands in her lap. She tried to hide a smile.
“This week wasn’t too bad,” Anna said leaning back on her free hand. She kicked her good leg on the side of the porch and took whole bites out of her popsicle.
“Getting better,” I said.
All things considered, a lot had changed, and I was very glad for it… even if reality seemed a little bent and I was sitting in a very wet diaper.
The sun dipped lower in the sky, spreading out oranges and reds across the fields and empty pastures. The three of us sat there lazily watching it go down. Will joined us a few minutes later, bringing out two more popsicles for himself and Sherry.
“Do you ever think you’ll get more livestock?” Will asked putting an arm around Sherry.
She blushed at the attention, but nodded. “It was too much for just me after my parents died. Maybe if I had some help…”
“Big ol’ farm family huh?” he asked with a mimic of her accent. She only blushed harder and playfully pushed against him.
“Save it you two,” Anna said frowning. She had already finished her popsicle and was flicking the stick like it was an instrument.
While she was toying with it, I noticed Anna sitting a little oddly. Earlier in the afternoon I’d had to do something very similar.
“Anna… are you?”
“Shhhh….” Anna said turning on me. “It’s embarrassing enough.”
I could smell it almost immediately after.
“Dadddd!!!” I said putting on my best voice.
“What is it
“Anna needs a change,” I said holding my nose.
Anna put her hands on her hips. “Traitor.”
Will got up off the porch swing and walked over to the two of us. “Well?” he asked Anna. She just shrugged at him. With a knowing smile he bent down, lift up the back of t-shirt a little and checked her diaper poking out of her shorts. “That’s one diaper to change,” he said. “Head on upstairs.”
“Awwww,” Anna pouted. “But the
Anna got up, waddling a little and I giggled but quickly meeped as Will lifted the hem of my dress. “One’s messy, the other’s wet… that’s two diapers to change,” he said smiling.
“Follow your sister upstairs.”
I got up to follow behind Anna, feeling a little embarrassed, but also secretly happy.
“Finally we get a little time to ourselves,” Sherry said as I left. I walked away a little faster until I heard her cry out in surprise. I quickly turned back around.
“That’s three diapers that need to be changed,” Will said as he lowered the hem of her dress.
Sherry blushed the same colors of the sunset, but quickly hurried past me into the house. Will offered me a wink.
“What am I going to do with you girls?” he asked as he walked up to me.
“Take care of us?” I asked thoughtfully.
Will gave me a loving pat on the head.
“I’d like that.”